Bangkok Has A Snake Problem And Looks Like I'm Never Going To Bangkok
BANGKOK — Panarat Chaiyaboon was using the toilet in her downstairs bathroom in July when she felt a sharp bite on her thigh. She jumped up to see a scene straight out of a nightmare: an 8-foot python emerging from her toilet.
She rushed to the hospital, bleeding heavily, and still bears the marks from eight tooth punctures that were around half an inch deep.
It could be argued that snakes have always owned this corner of Thailand, and that the people of Bangkok are merely borrowing it from them. The main airport, Suvarnabhumi, was built in a place called Cobra Swamp, and the city itself took shape on the Chao Phraya River delta — a marshy reptile paradise.
But this year, the Bangkok Fire and Rescue Department, which removes snakes from homes, has been busier than ever.
As of Monday, the department had received 31,801 calls this year for help in removing snakes. That is more calls than for all of last year (29,919), and more than three times the number in 2012 (10,492).
Full article here.
Look, if there was ever any chance of me going to Bangkok, it’s now gone. For that I’m sorry. I’ll put my hand all the way up. I'm sure it's a lovely city. There may be some people out there who can deal with, not just snakes, but pythons and cobras in their toilets and living rooms; I’m just not one of those people. Bangkok could have the fountain of youth and I'd never make it there. My mind totally agrees with the argument that we cause snakes more harm than they cause us, but my body could not disagree more. I’m basically in hives writing about this. I'm obviously not safe outside, I’m not safe inside, and you’re also telling me that the toilet is a risk for snakebites! IS NO PLACE SACRED? Is no place safe?
This is how I feel:
Even the firefighters are just straight up snake-wranglers!
On one recent day, the fire department received 173 snake invasion calls, versus five fire alarms. “There’s no way we could survive if there were more fires than snakes,” said Prayul Krongyos, the department’s deputy director.
Is that just to be expected? Those numbers are ABSURD! And whatever, the snakes kill all of the rats. I live in the rat central, ok? I’m pretty sure I’ve accidentally eaten a rate here! I’m confident I have a rat living in my room. I see rats more than I see my parents. They’re not rats but I found a cockroach in my dishwasher last night, and that’s fucking gross! Despite all of that, I would still take a hundred rats over a single non-venomous snake any day. Seriously, if suddenly a bunch of snakes moved in and ate all of New York’s rat population, I’d be out of here so fast. This isn’t the dark ages anymore! We no longer have to choose between killing all vermin and getting the plague.
I legitimately can’t contemplate the mental fortitude it would take for me to live in a place like that. I would need to be stupidly drunk all of the time. It's a bummer that my weakness has reached this point, but I'm past recovery. I’m not ashamed of this. There are a few areas where I fully admit my cowardice, and this is one of them. I am a snake coward. Bangkok sounds beautiful, take a lot of pictures while you’re there. Leave me to my rats.
