[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx1R-eHSkfM] I got a tip from my anonymous tipster (you’ll meet him tomorrow) that this was a truly bizarre video, and he was right. The content of it is totally normal, just SnapChat CEO Evan Spiegel talking about his company’s new redesign. What’s weird is that Evan Spiegel moves his arms like a fucking alien.

I don’t understand this at all. Watch the video. Why are your arms bent like that? Are your elbows hurt? Are they glued to your sides? Evan Spiegel talks with his hands like he’s a goddamn puppet. He legitimately looks like if you cut his strings, he’d collapse to the ground like a crippled marionette. “Mr. Gepetto I’m a real boy and check out my new Snapchat content!” he cries into the night, hoping beyond hope that a kind stranger will enjoy his boyish charm and place him on the mantle place with the other puppet folk.

If you’re okay with this, fuck off. This isn’t good enough for us. Evan Spiegel, you have a net worth of three billion dollars. You sent super douchey emails in college (exhibit A) and you have a hot wife named Miranda Kerr (exhibit B). By all accounts you should be able to read off a teleprompter for 60 seconds without convincing everyone you're a sociopath.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

If you need a fucking coach to make sure you don’t move your arms like they’re made of wood, so be it. I don’t care who you have to pay how much, but you must be better. We deserve more from our 1%. Fuck this.