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Doctor Who Signed His Initials Into Patients Is A Psycho, The Cockiest Doctor Of All Time, And My Next Surgeon

LONDON — A prominent British surgeon who etched his initials onto the livers of two patients, in a case that shocked many with its audacity, has been convicted of assault.

The surgeon, Simon Bramhall, who gained fame in 2010 after successfully transplanting a plane-crash victim’s liver into a patient, pleaded guilty in Birmingham, England, on Thursday to two counts of assault by beating.

The case divided opinion in Britain. Many have expressed outrage, while others — including some former patients — have defended him.

According to British news reports, Mr. Bramhall, 53, admitted to using an argon beam — an electrified gas jet that liver surgeons typically employ to stanch bleeding or to mark an area of operation on an organ — to etch “SB,” his initials, onto the livers.

Full story here.

Oooooo boooy, this is a tough one. My first instinct is arrest this guy, lock him up, and check his closet for skinsuits. Fucking lasering your initials onto peoples’ organs is next-level psycho shit. If you do this, there’s more. Normal surgeons don’t just sign their work and go home to a totally average, friendly life. No, initial-signing surgeons bring their work home with them fooooor suuuuuuure. This dude loves cutting up shit in his free time, no doubt about it. Either that or he’s just the cockiest surgeon of all time. It’s like, bro, you do great work, but you’re not fucking Michelangelo over here. YOU CAN’T JUST SIGN PEOPLE’S ORGANS.

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That being said, if this guy saves my life, maybe I’m cool with it. You know? Like am I ever going to see it? Definitely not. It seems a little absurd to demand that my surgeon is a normal person. That just seems picky. Sure, I’d prefer they be normal, but the job comes first! If the choice is Joe Shmoe who has a wife, kids, and a dog, who does an “okay job” on my liver transplant versus Dexter, who signs his initials on my organs, maybe has a hidden room in his basement, and completely nails my transplant- I’M GOING DEXTER BABY.

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Sign away! Make sure I’m under, please don’t fucking take anything, but do your thing! I feel somewhat in debt, and if signing my organs gets you off, mark me up doc! You’ve earned it. Just make sure you if are literally getting off that you do that in your own home, or at least another room.