TARRANT COUNTY, Texas (CBS11) – The driver who dumped more than two dozen Amazon packages in Eagle Mountain Lake has been fired by a deliver service provider in North Texas. The driver tossed the packages in two neighborhoods and a dumpster. The chief of the Eagle Mountain Volunteer Fire Department followed him – and spread the word online.

Full story here.

This is a misleading article because it makes it seem like the guy dumped all of the packages, which would have been hilarious. Just a disgruntled employee throwing packages out of his truck and saying, "fuck this" is a story we can all chuckle at. But that's not what happened. Our driver stole the contents of all packages and then dumped the boxes, the shells, the lifeless carcasses of Christmas presents deferred. That's not okay. Look it’s no secret how I feel about people who steal packages, but let’s take a minute to appreciate how dumb this criminal is! All you had to do was burn the packages man! Or better put, all you had to do was not leave a trail of empty boxes that lead right to you! I mean that’s like kindergarten criminal stuff, and feels like it shouldn’t have to be said.

Also, this driver has officially manifested all of our worst fears. Every time you have an Amazon package that’s supposed to be delivered at 9PM, and it’s 10PM, you freak the fuck out. You think, “Did the driver get lost?” “Did the driver get in an accident?” “Did the driver die?” but you never think, "Did the driver steal all of my shit?”! NO LONGER.

I thought that Amazon drivers are supposed to have more honor than this! I guess we live in a new world now, where the old rules of chivalry don’t apply. Sorry everybody, but I guess this is something we have to worry about now: idiot criminal drivers just absolutely butchering all sense of decorum and morality. How can we stoop so low as a society and expect to continue? We surely don't deserve to! If this is going to be a thing now, then we've lost all sense of law and order, chaos rules the streets, and we deserve to be wiped off the map.

Is this the first year this has been an issue? People stealing packages, people pooping in packages to stop people from stealing them, and now a new breed of thief entering the fray!  I feel like I’ve never heard of so much package theft in my life. Then again, that maybe could have something to do with the fact that I’m full on #bloglife and spend entire days on the Internet learning about the darkest secrets our society has to offer. It’s a burden to learn of these evils for you, dear reader. Don't forget that.