That's right you suckers, I'm writing on weekends now. There are no rules to this because you all owe me anyway, I'm working/shouting in an empty room around the clock to bring you the content you deserve, so while this week this is called "Saturday Rant" next week it might be more relaxing, or it might be the exact same thing. It's not up to you! It's up to me! Me! I'm the boss! 

Now to the point.

An 18-year-old skier who got caught upside down on a Mammoth Mountain chairlift dangled some 20 feet above the ground for several minutes until she dropped into a net held by rescuers on Thursday afternoon.

A group of four skiers was trying to get onto the chairlift to go up the mountain when something went wrong.

"We were getting ready to get on the chair when we looked back to sit down and the safety bar was down – but it should have been up. So it was blocking us from sitting down," Semenov explained in an interview via Facetime. "And then my leg and my ski somehow got caught on the foot ledge. And then the machine – the lift – didn't stop, so it just took me up with it."

At least two others ended up in the pit below the lift, while the young woman was hoisted into the air upside down, dangling from her leg, a witness said.

Full story here.

This is why I don’t ski. It’s not that I don’t like it, because I do, but I don’t feel like the effort is totally worth it. I mean that in a couple of ways: one, it takes so much clothing to go skiing. I know that the amount of clothing you wear is up to you, but my skiing/snowboarding passion, or lack thereof, was born in the time where my parents dressed me up for everything, and ski trips was the last thing they let go of. You’re telling me I’ve got to get in four pairs of snow pants, three sweaters, a fucking coat, a hat that goes under my hat, a scarf, a neck warmer, and big pair of dumbass clunky boots that could be used to drown someone? All to go somewhere and be cold? No thank you. 

There’s also the matter of not dying. The last time I went skiing was after a four year break, and needless to say I’d lost all semblance any technique I’d ever had. My technique that day was just go down the mountain as fast as I could, to hit every jump at full speed with no intention to land, to assume I’d miss every tree without really steering, and needless to say I left the mountain pretty battered. It was at that moment where I had a realization in regards to skiing. It’s just not something I like enough to risk dying over, because people die skiing! Car accidents? Not great, but you can’t expect me not to drive. Freak injury from playing a sport? Boy that would suck, but you can’t expect me not to play. Hitting a tree at 30mph because I didn’t know what I was doing on the slopes? Fuuuuuuck that. Go ahead with your straight jackets and your davey jones boots, I’ll be in the lodge. 

This all goes to say I think when you do a thorough cost-benefit analysis, which I’m sure you all do in regards to your free time, skiing is not fun and full of terrors, and getting stuck in the ski lift is the worst skiing fear of them all. Maybe it’s because it was so fucking hard to get off a ski lift on a snowboard, but I just fucking hated that part. You’re basically just pointing your board forward with only one foot strapped in, hoping you don’t fall and get trampled by everyone behind you. Even when I liked skiing I was fucking terrified of the lift. I knew somebody in high school who fell off and more or less broke every bone in their body, and it wasn’t hard to see how.

The seats are never wide enough, the speed fluctuates with reckless abandon, the lift itself comes in hot and goes out hotter, and all that’s stopping your from plunging to a femur-shattering tree impalement is one flimsy bar. This thing is built for you to fall and die. I’m shocked it doesn’t happen more. What happened with this one? Oh the bar didn’t get lifted. That’s it. That’s all it took to take this poor 18-year-old on a tour of their fragile existence and ever-looming mortality. Just left dangling over ski-town as a bunch of speed demons, slope surfers, and 80’s movie villains zoomed down below. Your last though should be, "Well at least it was fine," but mine would be "Why the fuck am I here?" It's just not for me!

Don’t get me wrong I’m sure I’ll go skiing again, but I’ll be aware the whole time that I’m daring the fates to stamp out my dim flame, and not for one second will I think it’s worth it.