BURLINGTON, Wash. – Through the latest hunting season, Washington State Department of Fish and Wildlife workers used deer, bear, elk, grouse and other animal decoys to catch poachers.

But they’re not just simple decoys. They’re lifelike, made with real animal pelts and controlled by a remote control. The legs bend, the heads turn and the tails wag.

Robots, essentially.

The decoys are covered in real deerskin. The eyes glow in the headlights. It's only after a poacher shoots the deer and it doesn't move that the hunters know something is wrong.

Full story here.

Fuck poachers! Fuck all of you rhino-slaughtering, elephant-mutilating swine! You either kill the animals you’re allowed to kill during the time you’re allowed to kill them or you don’t kill them at all! Was that a good effort at an anti-poacher rant? I definitely don’t like them but I also don’t feel all that strongly about them at all. Is that because I live in Brooklyn where there is no poaching or hunting or nature? Probably. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure poachers are a bunch of not nice people, but I also don’t believe in false rants. So here’s an honest statement by me: poachers are bad. You want to know what else is bad? Cyborgs hunting for humans is bad. It's really bad.

I think it’s great that we’re starting to send these robot deer after poachers, but also, is it? In theory, it’s awesome - but also seems like the type of thing that could get out of hand. The only way you can tell these deer are fake is when they don’t die from a bullet? What the fuck? These cyborg deer are too real! Every single person who’s reading this story should be thinking: “what comes next?” By that I mean, “what’s the next cyborg we’re going to design to hunt humans?” Because, yes, a deer is probably the least threatening cyborg only after cow, but that doesn’t mean you should sleep on it! Wake up sheeple! You’re letting these scientists design the end of the human race right before your eyes! What’s the next thing cyborgs will hunt? Shoplifters? Jaywalkers? Bad children? How long before they don't even need a remote control, huh? Bet ya didn't think about that, you squares!

You know what would be a lot better at hunting poachers? A cyborg wolf. I don’t know if I’m trying to warn you or trying to scathe the department of food and game over their choice of cyborg host. All I know is, this is the beginning of the end. Speaking of cyborgs designed to hunt humans: in the eternal words of Arnold, “If it bleeds we can kill it.” and well, if it doesn’t bleed, we must be fucked.