As a blogger, much of my chosen profession is jumping to conclusions before I know all of the details. That is surely the case here: this movie features the dumbest decision making I’ve ever seen on film. No the movie has not come out yet, but I’ve seen everything I need to see in the trailer. Here’s the basic plot for you idiots who are too lazy to watch it, man and woman fall in love, they live in a tropical paradise, things are going swimmingly, they decide to sail someone else’s boat across the Pacific ocean, they get caught in a giant hurricane and get fucked. That’s it. You want any more unnecessary details then that, then just watch the fucking trailer.

Here’s why this is dumb. Let’s start with the obvious choice, the layer that lays the foundation for this dumb decision, is it that sailing across an ocean is stupid? No! No, it’s not! The key here is that Shaliene Woodley is a goddamn angel. That woman is the bomb. She’s an incredible actress, a brave activist, and seemingly an all-around wonderful person. If you somehow get Shailene Woodley, or any of her characters, to fall in love with you- you play your cards right from here on out. That means no fucking around, no being a dick, no lying, and ultimately, no doing something that’s going to get you killed. You try to keep things exactly the same. No changes. I don’t mean you have to play self preservation to the max, like it’s clear these two folks are free spirits who are into adventures, but sailing across an ocean into a hurricane is a step too far- that’s what you do when you don’t have the love of Shailene Woodley.

Let’s also be clear,  this entire argument is based around the fact that Shailene does NOT seem like she’s the most enthused about this trip in this trailer. Like if Shailene decides to sail across the ocean then who the fuck am I to stop her? She’s a badass. Alas, that’s not the case: Sam Claflin, this seems like it’s all your fault. Why can’t you just be happy doing your normal sailing stuff? Why the need to go out like this. Let me be clear, if you end up with Shailene Woodley, whoever you are: if you pull shit like this, you’re an idiot. Sam Claflin, if you need to go and sail and treat your life like it’s worthless, then be my guest; but you leave Shailene out of it. You get to off yourself but you don’t get to take her away from us.