The music filled the courtroom Wednesday, introduced by insistent beats and the wail of a siren. Sitting at the defense table, wearing baggy blue jail garb, the rapper Earl Simmons, known as DMX, nodded as a recording of his voice spit out lyrics he had written about his life.

I split

And said that I’ma be that seed

That doesn’t need much to succeed

Strapped with mad greed

And a heart that doesn’t bleed

The recording of “Slippin’,” was played by his defense team as Mr. Simmons’ faced sentencing for tax evasion in Federal District Court in Manhattan. 

Full story here.

I’ve been going through a roller coaster with this one. At first I was like, “This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.” Have you ever heard DMX’s voice? That guy doesn’t have an innocent sounding voice. It just doesn’t. That gravelly growl does not ring with innocence. To be fair, it also doesn’t ring with tax evasion either but you hear it and know that whoever talks like that has done something wrong. That was my first thought.

Then I started listening to the song and I’ll tell ya, it kind of got me turned around a bit. I started thinking about how much DMX had been through, how the song’s about falling down and getting back up, and how this is a guy who’s been fighting these demons his whole life. Who can't root for a guy like that? 

Then I remembered that DMX was SUPER guilty of tax evasion. Like this isn’t like turbotax fucked up crunching the numbers. This was DMX trying to go all cash to trick the government into not taking his money. You committed a crime, DMX! Blatantly! Not even subtly! You know it just seems like there’s an incredible amount of evidence pointing to the fact that DMX did this. Sure he’s a guy that said he would do anything in his power to rise to the top, but then that definitely includes playing one of his own songs at trial to get off on a crime he for sure committed. Let me be clear: if the goal is NOT to be convicted of tax evasion, you can't have a lyric that references that you're "strapped with mad greed." It's like, DMX, we know you're greedy- you haven't paid a fucking tax in five years, dude.

I will say, I’m bummed to see that this wasn’t a jury trial: I can’t think of anything funnier/more needed then having to listen to a song on jury duty. Nothing is more out of place at jury duty than music. Jury duty is where music goes to die. Also, please consider this my announcement that I’m writing a footloose sequel that’s all about jury duty.