In the months that have followed Prince Harry and Meghan Markle‘s engagement announcement, the media circuit has worked tirelessly to predict everything from the couple’s exclusive guest list to the all-important wedding dress.

But it turns out, most Brits aren’t even that interested in the upcoming royal wedding.

In a YouGov poll commissioned by anti-monarchist group, Republic, findings indicate that 66 percent of British citizens are not looking forward to Harry and Meghan’s nuptials.

According to the surprising findings,  60 percent of respondents will have a normal weekend on May 19 despite predictions that Windsor will be jam-packed with well-wishers.

Full story here.

Can you blame them? How can you get behind a wedding with so little “umph” so little je-ne-sais-quoit, such little effort?  You want to know why two thirds of British people don’t care about the royal wedding, because it’s a boring wedding. It’s a boring couple, with a boring wedding, and a boring future. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be so harsh, but i don’t get paid to lie. Not only is this wedding so boring that Meghan Markle’s dad scheduled a heart surgery to get out of it, it’s also a waste of time. I’ve interviewed my anonymous sources, I’ve gathered the evidence, and I’ve spent many a long, sleepless night analyzing the thousands of pages in front of me - all to reach the verdict that this marriage won’t last. 

For those of you who need to be lead by the hand through the obvious, here’s a list of the brief reasons why:

The Proposal: Need I say a fucking word about this? I’m so tired of talking about Prince Harry’s lackadaisical proposal over roast chicken that I’m not even going to mention it beyond this point. Meghan Markle is a babe, Harry is a royal who should have put his best foot forward, and they at least had champagne at the fake proposal for Rachel in Suits. Now that was a wedding.

Royalty Is Boring: There’s no arguing around this. Once you’re a royal, your life is basically done. That’s where you’re at. You have kids, do charity shit, and eat tiny sandwiches with good manners until you die. Harry missed all chances to have fun before the handcuffs of tradition clicked into place like shackles on a condemned man.

The Rules Of The Wedding: No swords, why would anybody say no swords? Wedding could have been cool, and now is objectively not-cool. 

The Person: It’s Meghan Markle, whose only flaw through this process has been tolerating substandard behavior from her beau. You think Meghan can just go easily from the lifestyle of a hot actress on a hot show to standing still for the rest of eternity in a palace. All I’m saying is you’re an idiot if you don’t think there won’t be any sense of buyer’s remorse. 

The British aren’t interested in this wedding because the British know a sham when they see it. Sure, sure, there’s reasons out there to root for these two and I’m not wishing anything terrible on them, in fact I hope that I’m wrong! I hope this marriage is happy and eternal! That being said, romance is romance, lame is lame, and there’s a standard that needs to be upheld, especially by those on top. So you can propose over your dumb roast chicken, you can ban all swords at your wedding, and you can make every safe bet in between; but don’t expect me to pelt you with flower petals and kiss your royal, underperforming, feet.