The pretty coastal village of Landévennec in Finistère, in France's northwestern Brittany region, has been terrorized by a sexually aroused dolphin getting too close to swimmers.

The dolphins antics got so bad that the local mayor, Roger Lars, banned bathing on the Brittany beach, issuing a new bylaw. Now local swimmers are prevented from getting closer than 40 meters to the dolphin.

The aquatic mammal was apparently once known for its gentle behavior -- he's something of a local celebrity on the Brittany coast and affectionately nicknamed Zafar. But now that he's searching for a mate, the dolphin has become increasingly aggressive.

Full story here.

I couldn’t have asked for a better welcome home than this story. I spend the summer worrying that I’m missing all of the good news, and that I’m even more washed up when I was blogging five times a day, which would be worrisome. There I am fretting up a storm and this story rolls out of nowhere: a horny dolphin in France, thank you blog god, I love it. 

That’s right, swimmers in france are being terrorized by a dolphin named Zafar who is on one hell of a dry streak. Can you imagine being so horny that nobody was allowed within 40 meters of you? Poor dolphin. Although, it would be pretty terrible to have flipper grinding up on you to get his nut. It’s weird enough when a dog shows you his red rocket, and it can only get worse when the dog has fins, is giant, slippery, and underwater. 

I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about a horny dolphin terrorizing the local population that seems very French. That may say more about me than it does about the french, but my point remains. Also, seems very french to avoid the problem all together. This dolphin doesn’t need solitude or banishment; this dolphin needs to cum! Why are we not trotting out a dolphin sex doll to help Zafar blow his load? This seems very cut and dry. Zafar cums, people swim. Afar doesn’t cum, people become the sex dolls. Step up, France, help our boy Zafar not jerk off on people.