A squirrel in Colorado tested positive for the bubonic plague this weekend, the latest in an increase of reported plague activity in the state, according to KUSA.

The squirrel was found in the town of Morrison, Jefferson County Public Health said in a news release. It’s the first case of the plague recorded in Jefferson County, according to the release.

The bubonic plague is an infectious disease caused by a bacteria that is naturally occurring in Colorado, KUSA reported. It was responsible for the “Black Death,” which caused 50 million deaths in Europe during the 14th century, according to the World Health Organization (WHO).

Full story here.

Well, this is terrible news. 

Just like everybody else in the world I saw that they’d found some strain of the Bubonic Plague in Mongolia and my brain immediately went full end of days. Then the rational part of my brain kicked in, and I realized that 1. there’s plenty of strains of nasty things running around in glaciers, isolated spaces, and laboratories of crazy Russian scientists; 2. Mongolia is super far away from me. 

No longer folks. Now the plague has come for Colorado. It’s come to the official state of dancing white people; to Mile High and places two miles higher. It’s come to the land of flat brims, legal weed, and strangely intense ski town rugby rivalries. If it can get to Colorado it can get to any of us. Sure, sure it’s only a squirrel that’s got it. But I, correctly or incorrectly, assume that what one’s squirrel’s got, all squirrels’ got. Also knew the squirrels would be the one to end us. 

I also just LOVE the people who LOVE  to point out that with modern medicine the plague wouldn’t be so bad. This is likely true, but for some reason my brain has a hard time ignoring the whole 50 million people dead thing. Just a minor hurdle. I’ll get there. Also, it’s way easier to avoid squirrels in theory than in practice. No, I’m not pulling a full Disney princess carrying these things around on my exposed shoulders. However, once you’ve got a dog the thin barrier between human and rodent is broken. No question my dogs are eating squirrels. They’re dogs. They live in Colorado. They love weed. They love the dynamics of the food chain out here. They’re monsters. They’ve got the plague.

So as, we are want to do in times of crisis- we turn to journalism and the media to bring us comfort.

Are humans at risk?

The short answer is yes.

Again, terrible news. This blogger would prefer a longer, different answer. 

Symptoms of the bubonic plague “include sudden onset of high fever, chills, headache, nausea and extreme pain and swelling of lymph nodes, occurring within two to seven days after exposure,” according to the release. It can be treated with antibiotics if it’s caught early, the release said.

Great. What if it’s not caught early? At first glance some nausea, headaches and painful lymph nodes don’t sound so bad- and then of course we recall the 50 million dead, whole history of Europe altered thing. As far as I’m concerned, if we lose Colorado it’s all over. No place for our college friends to move and be obviously, painfully, almost disrespectfully, so much happier than the rest of us? Society won’t make it. 

p.s. mentioned this to my mom and she casually remarked, “oh yeah so do prairie dogs.”

Mom. How are we not moving.