VANCOUVER—Dozens of dead sea lions wash up on Canada’s shores every year.

Lately, on the West Coast, some have been missing their heads. And while it’s not quite the story of Ichabod Crane and the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, it’s presenting a bit of a mystery.

Residents on Vancouver Island had spotted several headless sea lions, the Victoria Times Colonist reported back in May. Then, this past week, photos of headless sea lions taken by a Nanaimo resident made headlines again.

Full story here.

One blog about weird body parts washing up on a Canadian coastline is one thing. Two is a problem. We’re no longer talking about this as a crazy thing that happens to you. We’re not talking about this like it’s your reputation.

I don’t know if it’s the tides or what but figure it out, Canada. How many places in the world have coastlines where shit doesn’t wash up all the time. This is getting to me. My Canada associations are way off. Forget poutine, maple syrup, hockey, cold weather, and a drinking age of 18- dismemberment sticks more than any of those! 

 […] the most likely scenario is that someone finds a dead sea lion carcass — they often get bloated and then float to shore — and decide to cut off its head as a trophy.

“My concern would be more if someone had purposely killed an animal. That does not seem to be the case from what I understand right now.”

If I live in this area I’m moving right away. One: I’m surrounded by decapitated sea lions. Two: I’m surrounded by people who decapitate dead sea lions. I love how this article presents the suspicion that the decapitations are occurring post-mortem as if that’s supposed to bring me, as a reader with a shred of humanity, any relief. Do I feel slightly better knowing that the animals weren’t straight up murdered for their heads? Yes. Do I feel exponentially worse knowing that people are dismembering dead sea lions?

If I see a guy chopping up a road-killed deer, I’m not applauding his efficiency. I’m packing up my house, calling the police, and paying out of pocket for a therapist. 

I’m putting my foot down. If I don’t read about one other place with a pandemic of washed up body parts, I’m putting Canada on a blog-timeout. I’ll be honest. I’ll be fair. But at this point it’s my civic duty to do something. With great coastline comes great responsibility. 

One resident in nearby Parksville even spotted a man taking hours to decapitate an already dead sea lion, then row away with the skull on a homemade raft, according to CTV.

Great, so he’s chopping off heads and he’s a homemade boat guy. Terrible combo.