Divers in Thessaloniki are seen retrieving dozens of electric scooters that have been thrown into the sea by locals.

According to the divers, there were abandoned scooters every 5 metres on the seabed.

The electric scooters pose a harmful threat for the local sea life as the batteries and electric parts dissolve and pass into the food chain.

According to reports, the same issue has occurred in parts of North America and France with locals dumping the electric scooters in bodies of water.

Full story here.

I’ve never ridden an e-scooter and I don’t have much desire to ride an e-scooter, but two things are pretty clear, they’re super polarizing and super dangerous. With that in mind, there’s really only two ways these things are ending up in the Greek Sea.

1. People are just crashing them into the sea. Honestly, this sounds ridiculous but my only encounter with scooters has been watching people eat shit. Had one buddy drive one straight into a wall and smash his wrist to pieces, and walked by a young woman completely unconscious in Austin, just out cold. It’s insane when you think about the fact that the first Citi bike fatality in New York (not a good place to bike) was 4 YEARS INTO THE PROGRAM. That is insane. Especially considering that people who ride Citi Bikes are often the dumbest motherfuckers on the street: I’m talking head phones in, no helmets, weaving from side to side. There’s lots of speculation as to why, but it’s largely owed to the fact that they’re big, stable bikes, that move pretty slowly. Not so much the case with scooters. With all that in mind, and bearing in mind that the people of Greece are passionate and festive, if there is a sea, it would make sense that they crash their scooters into it. 

2. Possibility #2 is far more likely, and that’s that people are pissed at these scooters and are relieving them of their duty by sea side ritual. If you read up on any of the data for these things, you’ll quickly realize that the people on the scooter are often not just running themselves into things, but also running themselves into other people. They’re polarizing! Some people just want to go fast, and some people just want those people to go fuck themselves. It makes sense that for every person you see riding one of these across a four way intersection, you see an old guy tipping the suckers over every time he leaves his apartment.

   With that in mind, you think that Greece would let these things carry on? It’s the birthplace of democracy! The origin of the socratic method! Something to do with Pythagoras and triangles! The home of the Parthenon! The place 300 Spartans defended against a million non-Spartans! You think that the citizens of that nation state are going to sit idly by as a bunch of globalized killer scooters take over their streets? Fuck no. You think they give a fuck about the fish drinking battery acid? Did you not hear what I said? They love the greater good in Greece. They’ll kill all the fish if it means the streets are safe!

   Honestly, the best part of this is other than the fact that we can be pretty sure these are being intentionally drowned, we know nothing else. This could be the work of the whole town, or one decrepit 103 year old man just crushing olive oil and water. That’s Greece baby.