So I got punched in the face for the first time this weekend. It was very painful, and I would not recommend it. However, on the bright side, I’m a fighter now- so this blog’s ceiling has just been raised. Today we’ll dive in to the some tips on getting punched fighting.

1. Don’t get punched first. Sucker punches are very effective. I’ve been a Level 1 fighter my whole life, meaning I primarily specialize in yelling and gentle-to-harsh shoving. While I was ready for a Level 1 encounter, my Level 3 counterpart had already calculated and engaged his cannons for a Level 3 fight, meaning several quick blows to my face. I will tell you from experience, it is hard to stop being punched if you get punched first.
2. Don’t get punched second. Needless to say, I also broke this rule. It is even harder to stop being punched if you get punched first and second, you are rapidly approaching what is, I believe, called a “combination”- and you are supposed to avoid these.
3. If you get pulled apart, in my case by a bouncer, it is very important that you continue to ask the bouncer to “let you at him”. Manners are important, so consider changing the phrasing of your words to match the following adjustments, possibly to “let me at him, please.” or alternatively, “would you mind sir, I would like to be let at him”. However, “It’s fine, you can let me go- I’m not going to kill him, only maim him” while you drip blood from your mouth is not an effective way of ensuring you are “let at him”.
4. If broke rule one or two, wipe your mouth, you are bleeding.
5. You will not be allowed back in to the bar you just damaged with your blood lust. Regardless of the just cause behind your fight, remember that the world is full of sheeple who don’t understand fighting, and you’re a wolf person now.
6. You are now a criminal. Just remember to tell yourself this continuously. If you are lucky, like I was, someone will approach you and remind you of this constantly. Every bar fight has collateral damage, from hurt feelings to a scraped knee. Get ready for someone with a scraped knee to tell you that they’re bleeding and that you didn’t think about the consequences of your actions, while you spit teeth onto the ground. Again, don’t try to explain the reasons for the fight and definitely do not apologize. You are a criminal and they “will have to limp home now”, and again, you’re a criminal.
7. Ice your wounded face. I did not do this because I did not want people to know I had gotten punched into a fight.
8. If you broke rule 1 or 2, everybody knows you got punched into a fight. Ice your fresh, trendy wounds and tell people you “just came from the club where you were getting your sweat on with your boys/girls”, or “have a dangerous fever, and modern medicine isn’t working”.
9. It will all hurt much more when you wake up. Just a hint from someone who’s made this mistake, you can’t wake up if you don’t go to sleep.
10. Remember to account for all five knuckles on a fist. Just keep this in mind while you name mark all of your cuts and bruises with sharpie the next morning. Another reason to avoid breaking rules 1 and 2.

This concludes my rules to getting punched in a fight. My last advice is to remember that abuse, on any level, is wrong and the work of scumbags. If you see something, say something. Also remember that if you’re going to say something, consider wearing a mouth guard. Lastly, moral victories count- don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, this is especially true with fights.

P.S. I was VERY relieved that I didn’t cry. Learned a lot about myself.

P.P.S. If you are writing a blog about your encounter, make sure that people know you definitely didn’t cry.