The Cavaliers Are a Hot Mess!
CLEVELAND — They had hoped things would be better after a night of bonding. The entire Cleveland Cavaliers organization had their collective fingers crossed that a Halloween party hosted by LeBron James would allow the struggling reigning Eastern Conference champions to play looser, to communicate better, to instill more trust. Wives were there. Girlfriends and friends flew in. Kyle Korver, dressed as Willy Wonka, arrived with a human golden ticket and two Oompa Loompas. The thinking was that their preseason was rife with distractions and lineup changes, but several hours of laughing, dancing, snapping and uploading videos to Instagram would be just the trick to get the team headed in the right direction.
When asked about any positive takeaways from their most recent loss, James simply shook his head in disgust.
"We need to get in better shape, be mindful of what's going on," James said. "There are a lot of things we can do."
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Every time the Cavs lose I grow a little stronger. Every time I read a Lebron quote that says “we’ve just got get in better shape”, the flakes of dust and shit-stained metal flying from the plumber’s drill bit sting my eyes a little bit less.
Who could have seen this not working?
A player-coach who either gets his way or undermines those who prevent it, a head coach turned gruel-eating marionette, all combined with a rapidly assembled cast of “best friends” who are supposed to wow us with their chemistry- who could see that blowing up? HA HA HA HA
And look, I know, the Cavaliers will probably turn it around. They’ll bounce up and down until December like 90% of the other teams in the league, and then they’ll light it up in the second half of the season and make a deep run into the playoffs. But how sweet it will be to witness their disarray until then. I hope Lebron makes everybody wear matching outfits and capes, I hope he makes everybody staple pages of the Godfather to their chests. I hope that does whatever is in his power so that at end of the day, HE can be the one to fix the team. It’s not that you guys don’t like each other, Lebron, it’s that you’re playing dysfunctional basketball.
We all know James will probably leave at the end of this year, and that’s been the writing on the wall for a little while now. That being said, it would bring me such joy to see his little experiment blow up in his face before he tucks his tail and runs. I hope that the Cavaliers organization implodes in a sad mist of jumbled opportunities and washed up careers. I hope it leaves everybody just shaking their heads, wondering how Kyle Korver and his Oompa Loompas didn't fix it.
