Breaking News: Owning A Dog Lowers Your Chance Of Getting Heart Disease And, Well, Dying
(CNN) The benefits that come with owning a dog are clear-- physical activity, support, companionship -- but owning a dog could literally be saving your life
Dog ownership is associated with a reduced risk for cardiovascular disease and death, finds a new study published Friday in Scientific Reports, a Swedish publication.
For people living alone, owning a dog can decrease their risk of death by 33% and their risk of cardiovascular related death by 36%, when compared to single individuals without a pet, according to the study. Chances of a heart attack were also found to be 11% lower.
I mean is this any surprise at all? We already knew that dogs make you happier! Makes sense that they make you healthier as well. Look, this is so obvious. You live alone and have a cat? You’re weird. I’m so sorry to say it, and I don’t mean to just lump you into a stereotype about “cat-people”, but you’re weird. If you live alone with a dog, you’re healthier and you have a 33% less chance of dying. THAT’S AN ABSURD STATISTIC. Get a fucking dog, people. Go on, run down to the pound and pick one up for free. You take them out for walks when it’s raining, they lick you with a little of that outdoor bacteria that keeps your system on its toes, and they make your existence a little less miserable. When’s the last time your cat licked you, huh?
I know this article doesn’t mention feline “companions” but I think we can jump to some conclusions here. It’s pretty simple, dogs rely on you and let you rely on them; cats don’t want anything to do with you and are possibly sabotaging your every move.
It’s not that I’m a cat hater either, but I have done the whole live alone with a cat thing; let me tell you: it’s a lonely existence. Now, I’m not going to go so far as to say if you get a cat over a dog you deserve to die, and cat people, go ahead and argue about all of the “intangibles” you want. Spew your blasphemous sludge about how dogs aren’t “interesting”, or how your cat has more of a “personality”. But just know that when you do die of cardiovascular disease at 40, I’ll be living to a hundred, saving kids out of a well with Lassie by my side.
