Late Addition: Rand Paul Got The Shit Kicked Out Of Him By His Neighbor And Everybody Seems Surprised

This all just goes to show, you’re never safe from your neighbor. Neighbors are weird; you can go from being the best of friends to the worst of enemies in a second. I think it’s safe to say that when things are good, it’s because nothing’s gone wrong; in fact, your safest bet is just always assume that your neighbor is your worst enemy. You rarely see your neighbor at your best. You see them after a long day when all you can think about is your remaining rage from work. Or you see them after an even longer week, when all you want to do is not speak to anyone. Home is supposed to be a safe space, and neighbors threaten that. When you’re blasting music, they’re the first to knock on your door. You go on the roof? They’ll be the first to narc you out to the landlord. Neighbors are always looking for a moment to betray you, because lying firmly at the root of every neighbor blood feud is the belief that whoever comes next will be better. That’s why it’s best to keep your neighbors at a distance. The closer you let them get, the more damage they can cause. I make sure everyone around me knows that if I get murdered, the first suspect should be my neighbor. I assume that he's come to the same agreement with his friends in regards to me.

Things might be great with Fred at the Memorial Day barbecue, but then your dog could be on fire because it pissed on Fred’s petunias one too many times. So who knows what led to the Rand Paul dispute; it could have been the latest blow in a long leaf blower war, or maybe Rand plays his Toby Keith a little loud on Friday nights. Regardless, I don’t care if you’re a politician or a saint; you best keep your head on a swivel because if you’re somebody’s neighbor, you’re somebody’s public enemy #1.