Prince Harry's Proposal Outdone By California Couple

MOAB — Suspended 400 feet over the stark beauty of a Moab canyon, California couple Ryan Jenks and Kimberly Weglin tied the knot and said “I do.” The adventurous couple fell in love surrounded by the red rocks of the Utah desert and thought it only proper to seal the deal in the same place after getting engaged on a space net in Moab the year before, according to their wedding photographer's Instagram post.

Best man Andy Lewis engineered a colorful space net for the wedding, and the couple exchanged vows while their friends walked high lines and performed aerials on silks below. The couple's “flower girls” doubled as BASE jumpers and lept off surrounding cliffs with 5,000 flower petals in their packs.

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Now this is the engagement/wedding combination we need. My instinct upon initially reading this was to absolutely hate it. But at the same time, wasn’t I the one calling for a more glorious proposal from Prince Harry last week? I guess if you want to risk seeing your bride and wedding party plummet to their deaths for a good view then more power to you! I mean you’re figuratively betting it all on this marriage, so you may as well literally bet it all on the wedding. While the idea of your fucking showoff bridesmaids and groomsmen doing acrobatics and circus tricks below your space net makes me throw up in my mouth, I have to respect the effort to show a little panache. Sure I hate anybody who’d eagerly show off his or her trapeze moves (don’t ask me why), but if there’s a time for it, then it’s a wedding!

I threw down the glove last week when Harry failed to live up to my royal proposal standards, and a dear couple stepped up to answer. I’m sure that the royal wedding will be something out of a fucking storybook, but the proposal is really the place to let your freak flag fly. The darling prince missed it, and this daring couple out of California hit a home run. Balance has been restored to the system, and life can go on. We can be thankful that we were only short one insane romantic gesture for a few days, and that Ryan and Kim put on their grown up pants to give us one hell of an insane wedding.

My instinct is to label this the douchiest, most-needed wedding of all time, but I think that’s just because I’m envious. If you’ve got a bunch of base-jumping, trapeze-swinging friends then you put on a base jumping, trapeze swinging wedding. I guess I’m right on track to have a wedding in my apartment living room while me and my friends eat chips of our chests while smoking weed and watching clips of Mall Rats over and over again.

P.S. You've really got to trust best man/ space net engineer Andy Lewis. If Andy has the hots for Kim then this space net fails verrrrry quickly and conveniently.