Guy Bites Dog's Eye Out: Sets Himself Up For Terrible, Terrible Revenge

PORT WASHINGTON, N.Y. (CBSNewYork) — A Long Island man has been arrested for allegedly biting out his dog’s eye, the Nassau County SPCA said Monday. The SPCA said the investigation began back on Nov. 9 when the dog, a 3-year-old shih tzu named Chloe, was brought to an animal hospital with “a serious eye injury.”

A veterinarian later determined that Chloe’s right eye was bitten out, according to the SPCA.

Full story here.

First things first: this guy is a fucking dirt bag and sucks as much as somebody can possibly suck. Obviously the only excuse here would be some type of mental impairment, but I haven’t seen any mention of that.

Now onto the blog take. This guy is fucked. You don’t enter a bite battle with dogs. You just don’t. That’s a battle you lose every time. Dogs are just exponentially better at biting than us. I’d argue, that no matter how much you practice biting, a dog will always beat you at it. So yeah, this guy may have come up on top this time- he’s in for a fucking hurting. You better believe that all of this dog’s boys heard that this fucking human attacked him with his human teeth, and they’re not happy about it. Dogs can sniff bad juju on somebody from a mile away, and biting a shih tzu is bad juju.

Aaron Kluger better not have any visions of owning a dog in the future, because he’s written his fate. You don’t throw a punch at Ali. You don’t wag the finger at Olajuwon. You don’t rap about mom’s spaghetti to Eminem. You surely don’t bite a dog. Thoughts and prayers to Chloe the pup, and well, good luck keeping your eyeball Aaron!