Farewell To My First Blog Fodder: Roy Moore — Here's A Blog Are You Happy Now?

Today could have gone a lot of different ways. We could have had a pedophile senator in Alabama for God’s sake! Alas, somewhat surprisingly it all turned out okay; but with these good tidings comes a more bittersweet moment, my farewell to my first blog fodder, Roy Moore.

Here’s to learning that you dated young girls, and basically counting you out for obvious reason. Here’s to remembering our discovery that you were banned from malls for being a creepy guy, something that I think we all wish we’d known a little sooner. Here’s to remembering all of the idiotic arguments those closest to you used to defend your actions, calling on bits of scripture and allusions that made no fucking sense. Here’s to your absolute inability to know when it was time to give up. Here’s to the moment when we realized you might still win and nobody knew why. Here’s to you losing. Here’s to you, Roy, you dick.

I guess at the end of the day I feel like I should thank you. I’d never known anyone before you who gave me so much free blog material. It was as if every time I turned on the news you’d done something else that was totally idiotic, or some piece of information had come out on you that made total sense in a really disturbing way. I think the best blogs are built off of a foundation of irrepressible hatred. Thanks for being the first recurring thing that I hated Roy. Thanks for being the guy that kept on acting towards the best interest of this blog. And, despite the increased difficulty of finding material, thanks to the great state of Alabama for ensuring that I won’t have to write about Roy Moore again any time soon.