Safe To Say Nobody Has Ever Botched A Joke As Hard As This Teacher Who Wrote “I Want To Kill Children” On A Projector

COMMERCE CITY, Colo. — A Commerce City middle school teacher has resigned after he allegedly typed out an inappropriate message to students last week, school district officials told KDVR. “Silent reading … I want to kill children but I am a loving Christian man who never would hurt a flee (sic) so please sit down and read,” the note on Kris Burghart’s projector said.

Full story here.

This is a tough one, man. Every single one of us has made a killing kids joke. And there’s no doubt that at every joke’s center there’s a little bit of truth. Like, there’s something about being around kids that sometimes makes you want to kill them. That’s not arguable! A lot of the times it’s just difficult to get them to shut up, and you realize “Man, instead of taking years to teach this kid to be more socially aware I can just kill it.” That being said, there’s a time and a place for every joke, and there’s not really much room in the classroom for this. I don’t know what it is, but parents are generally pretty uncomfortable with teachers joking about killing their children.

Even with that, this could have been pulled off. I don’t know where this one went wrong, but I’ve got a feeling it had something to do with the weird capitalization. All caps is a risky thing to do, BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU SEEM CRAZY. You do all caps with random letters lower case? That’s right up there with killing squirrels on the “WOULd MuRDER A HuMAn” spectrum.

I can appreciate a risky joke as much as anyone, but you’ve gotta be aware of whether you’re a risky joke guy or not. This guy doesn’t seem like a risky joke guy, probably the weird mustache, big glasses, shirt buttoned all the way to the top type of guy.You’ve got to read the room my friend, and when your room is a room full of kids who are taking photos of your weird threat/statement and sending it to their parents, TReAD CAREfuLLY.