BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — Police in western New York have charged a man who they say impersonated a police officer in an attempt to get discounted coffee. WIVB-TV reports the man flashed a fake badge and gun at a Starbucks in Buffalo around 11 p.m. Friday. Police say the man claimed he was a detective and asked for a discount.

Authorities say the man then left Starbucks and tried to get into Spot Coffee after closing time by claiming he was a police officer. He was later arrested.

Full story here.

I don’t know much about coffee discounts for police officers in Buffalo, but let’s assume that these exist and the perp knows it. You’ve got to be a TERRIBLE actor to get caught at this, like, laughably TERRIBLE at acting.

You think that baristas at Starbucks and Spot Coffee are double-checking whether people are cops or not? You think any of these service workers are trying to start an argument with you? Bro, these fuckers want to finish their shit and get out with the least amount of conflict possible. What are you flashing your badge and gun for? Are you trying to get a discounted coffee and serve a warrant at the same fucking time? Why are you trying to get into Spot Coffee once it closes? That’s a dead giveaway dude!

You’ve got to keep your cool, man! How desperate are you for a discount coffee that you can’t just do this like a normal person? This is Buffalo we’re talking about, not Park Slope. Either shell out the $1.99 you need for a grande black coffee, or invest in some acting lessons because this is embarrassing. This is a gimme scheme that was botched, and that’s a shame.