Of All The Christmas Crimes I've Written About, Beating Up A Bell Ringer Is As Egregious As It Gets
ROSEVILLE (CBS13) — A Salvation Army bell ringer was attacked in front of Walmart for simply spreading holiday cheer. “I greet everybody, 'Merry Christmas,'” said Rev. Jamie Wolfe, Sr.
Sadly, those two simple words got this bell ringer knocked out.
“He haymakered me, hit me, got me down on the ground and we started wrestling, at that point I’m fighting for my life,” Wolfe Sr. said.
“Store says they love him and he’s been the best bell ringer they’ve ever had, so an attack that’s unprovoked is very surprising and very unfortunate. It’s not the call we’d expect to get at night,” or ever said Lt. Steve Pavlakis with the Salvation Army.
The reverend is shaken up and suffered bumps and bruises, but says this won’t ever take away his Christmas spirit.
“I’ll be right back out there doing it again tomorrow,” Wolfe Sr. said.
Full story here.
What’s wrong with you people? We can’t have one nice thing can we? We’ve got a bell ringer out here, not just any bell ringer, but Rev. Jamie Wolfe Sr, a fucking all star bell ringer. He rings the shit out of that bell. Lost children reconcile with their miserable parents, little kids ignore the bullshit that scientists are trying to shove down our throats and believe in Santa again, people return stolen baby Jesus to the Nativity scene, gentiles finally know the date when Hanukkah starts, and it all fucking happens because the reverend plays that bell like an angel’s harp. So why go and beat the shit out him, huh? What place do you have to be in to beat up a bell ringer? They’re the most cheerful people in the world! All they do is say nice things to you! If we keep on abusing our nice things like this, we won’t have any left!
This assailant wasn’t even trying to steal anything! He was just pissed that someone said merry Christmas to him (war on Christmas *cough *cough)! I know that Rev Wolfe says he’s going to return to work the next day and keeping on bringing that cheer, but we all know a piece of him is gone. You can’t get your ribs kicked in as a Salvation Army bell ringer and then maintain the same level of holiday naivety. Rev. Wolfe is a shell of the man he was, regardless of whether he says so or not. This is probably the plot of the next great vigilante film, a la Taxi Driver, Law Abiding Citizen, Death Wish, etc, starring a traumatized bell ringer who returns to the scene of the crime to annihilate anyone who tries to ruin Christmas. Nobody steal that idea.
