Am I Upset That New Years Is Going To Be The Coming Of The Next Ice Age? Sure. Will It Stop Me? No.
Sounds like New Years is not going to be pleasant. I don’t know if any of you have noticed but it’s freezing as fuck outside. Shit is literarily falling apart around us. Windows are cracking in Canada, water freezes before it hits the ground also in Canada, sharks are freezing to death, and the wind chill is going to be below 0 when the ball drops in New York, but no, I’m not giving up. If you’re waiting to see the ball drop, you’re a fucking psycho. Find something else to do and raincheck for never. I’ll spoil it for you, it’s not worth it. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but it’s 100% the truth. It’s already not worth it when people are pissing their pants to avoid losing their spot in line, it’s definitely not worth the chance when people are pissing their pants to warm up and avoid hypothermia.
As far as my plans, they’re not changing. It’s always cold as shit on New Years, and I don’t know why people are freaking out- once you get below 20 degrees Fahrenheit it all feels the same anyway. This isn’t a holiday that’s built for people standing outside (with the exception of the previously mentioned psychos) this is a holiday to show up to an open bar with a stain-free shirt and get plastered with a bunch of strangers. So yes, while I am planning out which members of my group I will eat first in case we find ourselves in a classic Donner Party scenario, I am not planning on cancelling my plans. Yes, I imagine it’s going to be fucking miserable. Yes, I imagine we’ll end up spending more time outside than we anticipate. Yes, I imagine Uber will make a million dollars off of people trying to get home. And yes, I can guarantee I’ll wish I’d done everything differently, but I can’t think of a better way to ring in 2018 than with a face scarred by frostbite and regret.
