Sometimes Hoverboards Make Great Gifts, And Sometimes Hoverboards Burst Into Flames And Destroy Everything You Love
MILWAUKEE -- Milwaukee parents said they were skeptical about getting their daughter a hoverboard for Christmas, and it's believed to have sparked a fire that destroyed their apartment on Christmas day.
Tikiya Phillips said she wanted to surprise her 7-year-old daughter with the gift she'd been asking for for years. They never imagined it could cost them everything.
"All of the stuff in the house is destroyed. The black smoke stuff, the smell, wet from the water," Phillips said.
Full story here.
I’m shocked that people still buy these things. Yeah I totally understand that to a kid, a hoverboard looks fucking sweet, but these things have been recalled like twenty times because they keep on exploding. Not only do you look like a HUGE douchebag cruising down the streets with one of these (ever heard of walking, you millennial fucks?), but you’re basically just buying a time bomb. Seriously. If you buy a overboard, you’re just gambling on the fact that maybe it will be okay, or maybe it will set Christmas on fire.
These parents must feel terrible. At first you hesitate to buy a hover board because who wouldn’t hesitate to buy a hover board, but then you reluctantly go through wit hit and next thing you know your walls are on fire. I mean they didn’t even get to have one day of being the cool parents who bought the risky present! They got one use out of this thing before it fucking detonated! That’s a terrible investment.
It’s also important to remember that there’s no way this kid feels bad. Six years old is old enough to be a little cocksucker but still too young to actually remember any of the terrible stuff you’re involved in, or any of those pesky casual human emotions. You know the ones I’m talking about, like empathy for your parents who lost everything because of you, or guilt because the thing that blew up your childhood home was your dumb toy.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that from this point forward, if you buy a hoverboard or any similarly exploding product, you deserve to get your house burned down. I know that’s harsh, but I think it’s time we all called a spade a spade: if you buy a hoverboard and aren’t trying to collect insurance on your house getting napalmed from within, you’re an idiot.
