Grade This Citizen's Arrest
SACRAMENTO (CBS13) – Sacramento police confirm a man stole a police car near Stockton Boulevard and Riza and took if for a wild ride Saturday night.
The incident was captured on dash cam. Not police dash cam, but that of a regular citizen, Chris Marzan, a former security guard, who just happened to see the stolen Sacramento police car driving erratically. The suspect crashed the car onto a curb on Stockton Boulevard around 7 p.m.
Marzan calls dispatch and decided to follow the stolen cruiser as the suspect pulled into an apartment complex and finally the A-1 Market liquor store on Sunnyslope near Florin Road. The man got out and goes inside. Marzan hesitated to follow, thinking the suspect may have a weapon.
“He waved at me. He had sweats and was barefooted and I thought, oh man, this guy,” he said.
But after getting a good look, Marzan felt confident he could take him down.
“I had a safety kit in my car that had handcuffs from a long time ago when I did security. Pulled those out, and as soon as I went in, I had my flashlight. First thing I said was ‘get down on the ground,’ he complied, he had a 40-ounce malt liquor in his hands, he had it open, he was ready to drink it. He says, ‘you got me,’ and laughs as I take him to the ground,” Marzan said.
Full story here.
Woo wheeee! We’ve got our first Here’s A Blog Are You Happy Now citizen’s arrest of 2018! With this comes our first grading of a citizen's arrest.
Crime in Question: The crime in question is stealing a police cruiser. Amazing. That’s a tough look for any local police department. If some jabroni rolls through and jacks your ride, you’ve got to be the one to bring them in. You just have to. It’s a tough look to lose a police cruiser because how are you supposed to stop other people’s cars from getting stolen when you can’t even keep yours safe? And then how are you supposed to maintain any semblance of law and order when you’ve got random citizens making your prize arrests for you? You could name few better crimes than this in the grand scheme of hilarious citizen’s arrests.
Grade: A+
Citizen in Question: I guess random citizen isn’t totally accurate here, since being a security guard is basically being a citizen cop. Come to think of it, I think security guards are probably the perfect candidates for making citizen's arrests. Not enough “cop” to carry a badge and gun, but just enough of a chip on the shoulder and “cop knowledge” to make a move on any given suspect. All of the haters who say his background in security disqualifies Chris Marzan from being able to make citizen’s arrests: shut the fuck up, this is my blog. You’re legally not allowed to disagree with me. If Chris Marzan was an ex-cop, we’d disqualify him; but he’s not, he’s an ex-security guard. Who can’t root for an ex-security guard? The fact that Chris Marzan had a “safety kit” in his car that included handcuffs, says it all: this guy was born to make citizen’s arrest.
Grade: A
Suspect in Question: It’s got to be a bummer to be that guy. Can’t be fun to have somebody just look at you and say, “Oh I could citizen’s arrest this guy” Is it weird that I’m just imagining the drunk, homeless guy from Superbad? Just taking a police cruiser for a joy ride on a Saturday night only to end up cuffed by Paul Blart Mall Cop. While this is hilarious, this guy doesn’t strike me as that impressive of an arrest. I don’t know whether it’s the bare feet and sweats look, the fact that all Chris Marzan had to do was shine a flashlight on him, or that our suspect basically laughed while he put himself in handcuffs, but it seems like anybody could have made this citizen’s arrest.
Grade: C
Overall Grade: B+
There’s no doubt that the Suspect In Question grade detracts from the overall quality of this citizen’s arrest. That being said, the crime in question is so heinously deserving of a citizen’s arrest that I made the executive decision to grade this as a B+ as opposed to a B. Stealing a cop car is such a funny crime to be citizen’s arrested for, and what better guy to do with then Chris Marzan, maybe the most qualified citizen’s arrestor I’ve ever seen. What a way to start the year, people.
