Beer Might Grow Well In Martian Soil And None Of You Losers Better Fall For This
Here’s an interplanetary botany discovery that took college students and not NASA scientists to find: Hops — the flowers used to add a pleasant bitterness to beer — grow well in Martian soil.
“I don’t know if it’s a practical plant, but it’s doing fairly well,” said Edward F. Guinan, a professor of astronomy and astrophysics at Villanova University.
For the most part, the students chose practical, nutritious plants like soy beans and kale in addition to potatoes. Some added herbs like basil and mint so that astronauts could enjoy more flavorful food on thesolar system’s fourth world.
And one group chose hops.
Full story here.
This is lamest, most pathetic, most transparent effort to make an uncool thing cool that I’ve ever seen. Some "science" teacher just randomly ends up assigning this project right when Mars is at its lamest? That's one hell of a coincidence. “Oh my god everybody thinks Mars is lame! How do we convince them otherwise?” “Let’s tell them that the beer will be sick there.” Dumb! You think that good beer can convince me to move to a barren desert planet that, NEWSFLASH, doesn’t have any surface water? No! Maybe I’m the wrong demographic here but I’ll keep on buying Rolling Rock from the bodega across from my apartment, thank you very much (you’re welcome to both Rolling Rock and the bodega across from my apartment for free advertising).
Dope planet! You think that swinging the hip beer crowd over to your side is going to help you, scientists? Congrats NASA, you’ve got a bunch of asshole white dudes who love frisbee golf who are going to try and buy tickets to Mars. Seriously, congratulations. Next you’ll tell us that the only place Phish will sound better live than MSG is at Mars Stadium and then you’ll really have won over the microbrewery crowd. This is propaganda, sheeple, wake up. This is one positive on a long, long list of negatives.
That being said, would I shell out a couple of extra bucks for some imported Mars beer? For sure, yes: that sounds dope.
