Cast Of "Real Housewives Of New York" Almost Goes Down With The Ship On Ill-Fated Cruise

Chaos. So much chaos, in fact, that I don’t even know where to start. Let’s just being by listing all of the things that went wrong on this boat. I don’t know anything about Real Housewives Of New York, so I’m not going to worry about any of the narratives or names that follow making sense. These are just the must-read highlights. You’re welcome.

During a recent trip to Colombia, the cast of "The Real Housewives of New York" embarked on a cruise trip that went terribly wrong while filming for the show's upcoming tenth season.

A subsequent People report says that "the boat was old, beaten up and falling apart, [and] there were no amenities, no food, and a crew that didn’t know what they were doing."

Perhaps a sign of things to come, when "they were [initially] ushered on board, the boat couldn't even move" because "the anchor got stuck," so the crew was forced to "saw the anchor off before they could sail anywhere."

Despite the cast "complaining right off the bat," production "pushed them to continue because they knew it would make good TV."

And, once they hit the high seas, it was far from smooth sailing after the the boat's engine caught on fire -- without a fire extinguisher on board. 

"It was a huge blaze and the crew was fighting to put it out," the source told Page Six.

Additionally, "the seats and other things on board weren't nailed down [and] started flying about," prompting mass panic on the cruise.

"Bethenny [Frankel], Ramona [Singer] and Dorinda [Medley] were soaked and screaming hysterically, Carole [Radziwill] and Tinsley [Mortimer] were literally throwing up from seasickness," the Page Six source added. "They were far out to sea, and they thought they were going down like the Titanic."

Sources tell Page Six that the ladies eventually made it to safety and report that Bravo offered them all counseling to deal with the tumult of their experience.

More juicy details here.

So basically all of the warning signs that were present in our TWO TIME “thematic movie of the week,” 47 Meters Down, were present here. All of this could have been prevented by seeing a decrepit boat that was falling apart at the seams and literally had to cut anchor to sail, and saying no thank you. Isn’t cut anchor supposed to be the last thing that happens on a ship? As in, isn’t that the equivalent of hitting the panic button? When that’s the first thing you have to do to even leave port, it’s time to get off the fucking boat. 

I mean, when it comes down to it, is it even up for debate that the production team at Bravo set this up? No, not at all. They looked at this and said, “damn this will be good content,” and they weren’t wrong. This sounds insane. Literally every reason not to go on a cruise ever. No anchor: for you sailing noobs out there that means you can’t stop. Crew doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing: also problematic because they’re the ones who drive/function/not sink the boat. All of the stuff starts flying off the boat: still a little unclear how this goes down but I’m all in on that added chaos. Engine lights on fire: not good because, fire. People throwing up: just because you’e about to die doesn’t mean you can’t be seasick! Nobody flips out more in total chaos than rich people, because they’ve just got so much to lose; and double that for rich people from New York because everybody’s wired for bear anyway. 

This is classic production: you throw all of the talent into the fucking meat grinder and then pay for therapy after the fact. A million dollars. A million dollars. That’s how much I’d pay to see this raw footage. What can I say, this is what you get when you get into reality television and ALSO what you get when you go on a cruise. Double whammy! You should have known better. I’ll tell you what though, this sounds like must-watch television. 

People reports that, beyond the shocking cruise incident, the trip to Colombia also featured one cast member having to wear a diaper after getting sick with a parasite. Ramona reportedly left Colombia in a wheelchair because she was so distraught from the overall trip.

Yup sign me up. Well done production team.