"Enthusiastic Victim" Of Robbery Makes "Dead Or Alive" Wanted Poster: Turns Out You Can't Do That

SAN DIEGO -- A Valley Center robbery victim took matters into his own hands to find the thief, but the Sheriff's Department was less than thrilled with his crime-fighting words of choice.

In a throwback to the days of the wild west, the man plastered posters all over town showing the burglar's image and stating he was "wanted dead or alive" for breaking into his shed and RV and stealing some $2700 worth of items.

Detectives ultimately identified the suspect as Jose Martinez. They arrested Martinez on theft and burglary related charges, and he is now in jail in Vista.

Investigators said that while they appreciate the help from the "enthusiastic victim," the posters weren't the kind of message they want to send.

Full story here.

So it ends up you can’t do this! I guess that we have to put “dead or alive” posters in the old expired pile. No matter how mad you are at whatever burglar stole your shit from you, you’re not allowed to ask for them to be dead. You can only ask for them alive. First things first, that's a good thing. Things are getting a little bit backwards in this here country, and we definitely can't have dead or alive posters making a comeback.

Let's look at this from a silver lining's standpoint: okay, so yes the whole "dead or alive" part takes a bit far, but from the police's perspective you basically have a concerned, albeit angry citizen who’s putting together these extremely detailed posters for you! You’ve got a clear photo of the suspected perpetrator, and you’ve got the sheriff’s number on there- that’s pretty sweet! Some deputy who’s sweating his balls off xeroxing much lamer, grainier wanted posters in the back room must be psyched about this. Give that guy a day off!

I kinda sorta love this move. Obviously I’m not condoning actually taking the law into your own hands to this extent (says the blogger who has a “grade this citizen’s arrest” theme), but you gotta love a doer! I love how in the interview that goes along with with this article the sheriff’s department is like, “By the way, we didn’t need this poster at all. Solved it by ourselves. No help needed. Definitely didn’t need that photo. Did it all by ourselves. We used our own methods. Didn’t need anybody’s help at all.” Sure bro, the crystal clear image of this dude didn’t help at all. We get it. You’ve gotta nip this fucker in the bud. Can’t have him thinking that he’s helpful at all.

You also have to consider how fucking dumb it is to rob a trailer. Maybe this isn’t cool to say, but I feel like people who live in trailers are much more likely to take justice into their own hands. Like, this story made so much more sense when I saw that somebody’s trailer had been robbed: honestly, would have been shocked if there hadn’t been a “wanted dead or alive” poster. I think there’s something very DIY (Do It Yourself for you non-millennial fucks who’ve been living under a rock) about living in a trailer. You take care of all the sewage. You move your house wherever you want. That’s basically all I can think of. I don’t know. Don’t question me. If you live in a trailer you’re more likely to be a vigilante than if you don’t, that’s a fact.

Also, I sneaky love the describing some as an “enthusiastic victim”. I don’t know exactly what that entails other than making dead or alive posters, but I’m in. I’m going to be the most enthusiastic victim you’ve ever fucking seen. I’m going to be victimized and I’m going to be fucking psyched about it.