Spoiler Alert: The Oldest Known Message In A Bottle Is Boring As Fuck
It was stumbled upon on an Australian beach by a group of walkers who became the first people to read the note inside since June 12, 1886. Bullet hits shopper in the butt during AR-15 shoot-up at deli The group, which included the parents of Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo, shook the bottle and a damp, rolled-up parchment that looked like a cigarette fell out.
And after weeks of research and investigation, it has been confirmed as an authentic find that was thrown from a German ship into the Indian Ocean.
After warming the 132-year-old note in an oven, they established that the message written in German contained instructions asking the finder to send details of where and when it was found.
It is believed to have been thrown from the German sailing ship Paula as part of an experiment to research ocean currents and find faster shipping routes, the Western Australian Museum said.
Full story here.
Everybody seems to be cumming real hard over this one. Give me a break. Look, I know it’s cool they found a message in a bottle, it’s old as fuck, and everybody’s really psyched about it. Fair. To be honest, if I found a message in a bottle it could be a fucking bar graph and I’d think it was amazing. However, as a bystander, an observer if you will, this is lame as fuck. A strategy to chart currents? Let us know where you find this? Boring! Also totally inefficient! But most of all boring!
If I’m reading about a message in a bottle, I want to be clued into romance, murder, tragedy, something better than this. There's so much potential for a message in a bottle! Even a diary entry would be cool! A note put out into the universe, like a craigslist missed connection, just waiting to see what eyes behold it. I want to be reading a sailor’s last letter to his faraway love before he gets eaten by a giant squid in 1699, or a helpless murder victim pointing the finger at the perpetrator, not some cartographer’s dumb, lazy idea for how to track currents. I dno't know what the contemporary equivalent of this nerd German sailor is because I'm unemployable, but it's not flattering.
