Otter Viciously Attacks Old Lady: We're Losing Control Of Cute Animals/ We've Got To Stop Sending Old People To Florida

Mar 9

Mar 9 Otter Viciously Attacks Old Lady: We're Losing Control Of Cute Animals/ We've Got To Stop Sending Old People To Florida

A possibly rabid otter attacked a group of kayakers in central Florida, biting and scratching a 77-year-old woman and ripping off part of her ear.

The boaters were paddling up the Braden River Sunday, enjoying a peaceful and sunny morning when a wild otter jumped on the kayak of Sue Spector, ran up her back and began clawing at her face, guide Marsha Wikle told InsideEdition.com.

Full story here.

Well, fuck me. What the hell is going on this week? Feels like animal attacks are the on the rise, we've got the New York Times is telling me that I should be more afraid of dogs, unblogged but noted last week was a seal that was just biting people out in San Francisco, and now I’m also supposed to be afraid of otters? What's happening to our cute animals!? For those of you who are too lazy to read anything that’s in italics- basically a 77 year old woman got viciously attacked by an otter while kayaking in Florida. Now obviously, the easiest way to prevent this, one that I advocate for ferociously, is to just not kayak. Just stay outta boats, people.

That being said, otters are not something we should have to be afraid of, especially in Florida. You have so much to worry about to start. You got snakes eating eating deer three times their size without chewing, huge reptiles dragging off kids, and now you’ve got to worry about otters dismembering your elderly. All evidence points to the fact that all creatures are predators in Florida. Seriously, once otters start attacking you you’ve got to assume that you’ve just got a target on your back. Are otters dangerous creatures? I just assumed they were like water dogs, like just the really good swimmer version of dogs. Fuck, well I guess they're wild animals too. Was hoping we could take this blog into the weekend without making another enemy, but I've got to give some seroius thought as to the offical Here's A Blog Are You Happy Now stance towards otters. Just makes me glad that we've got heroes like this out there.

Last thought: you kind of look like a loser if you're this otter right? You couldn't even eat an old lady? Pansy.

P.S. What a strange thing that we send all of our old people to retire in Florida, where our most dangerous creatures roam. Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?