(CNN) Prince Harry has asked his older brother Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge, to be his best man at his wedding to Meghan Markle next month, Kensington Palace announced Thursday.

Harry served as best man to William at his wedding to Kate Middleton in 2011 and it was widely expected that the Duke would play the same role for his younger sibling this year. But speaking about the upcoming nuptials in January, William joked that his brother had not asked him yet.

Full story here.

Boooooooooooooooo! Booooooooooooooooo! The royal wedding is three weeks out and this may be the worst affront yet. In all of my research surrounding the upcoming nuptials of our monarchy-focused allies, I’ve begun to experience certain symptoms of what can only be described as a “blog fodder stockholm syndrome.” Yes, that’s correct: I’ve begun to feel some sympathy for Prince Harry. I’ve begun to see some things a different way in regards to the person this blog should hate the most. I sometimes have to remind myself that until the Royal Wedding is completed, or his behavior changes, Prince Harry and his lack of effort are public number one. Now I haven’t been feeling that much sympathy, but it’s been enough that I would have let Harry’s choice of a best man count for more than it should. What I mean to say is if Harry had chosen someone cool- we maybe could have kicked this all right under the rug. But he didn't, he picked William.

Just pick Bono, you fucking idiot! He’s a knight! Even better, just pick U2 to be your best man. Have them dress up like a bunch of homeless people and then have them bust into a beautiful day as they are wont to do. It’d be perfect! Can’t you see it? The royal guard rushes in, the Queen’s on the verge of an aneurism, Prince Phillip looks he always does, and ‘BOOM’ it’s Bono and his friend The Edge!

You honestly could pick basically anybody, just don’t pick William! That’s the safest fucking choice in the world! Come on. I understand he pick you as his best man and everything, but that speaks more to William’s lack of friends than to any aspect of fraternal loyalty; so don’t make this about him. You spend all of your time with William anyway, he can’t be that interesting. The dude has three kids and is so entrenched in the gilded cage of royalty that he’s rocking his bald spot like a crown, and he named his kid Louis (Loo-Eee). That dude’s as good as gone, Harry. Find yourself someone else. Pick Hugh Grant! I’d love that! (All British people know each other and are friends right? One of the many merits of tea time is that 6 degrees of separation is really just one degree of separation: everybody knows everybody.) 

Anyway, I’m disappointed again. I saw an editorial with the headline “Harry and Meghan Play Things Safe With Their Pre-Wedding Plans,” and it’s like 1. no shit, and 2. get your own story, this one’s mine.

P.S. Just a side note: if you name your kid Loo-Eee there’s no way he doesn’t turn out a massive dick, right?