To Be Clear: If What You Think Is Your Family Dog Is Actually A Bear: You Are Dumb As Shit

May 16

May 16 To Be Clear: If What You Think Is Your Family Dog Is Actually A Bear: You Are Dumb As Shit

Just a few days after news broke that a woman found out her puppy bought from a Chinese pet store last year is actually a fox, another pet owner has come to a similar conclusion.

According to The Independent, two years ago, Su Yun, from Kunming in the Yunnan province of China, bought a puppy on vacation, believing it to be a Tibetan Mastiff, and brought the animal home.

From day one, Yun and her family were impressed by their pet’s massive appetite. The “dog” reportedly chowed down on a box of fruit and two buckets of noodles everyday.

But it wasn’t until the pet reached 250 pounds and started walking around on its hind legs that they realized there was a mistake.

This “dog” is actually an Asiatic black bear.

Full story here.

I don’t want to hear any excuses. A dog is a dog. A bear is a bear. If it takes you feeding 3 boxes of fruit and five large orders of beef and broccoli per day to a 250lb, hind leg walking beast to notice that it isn’t a fucking dog - you are dumber than dumb. I get being confused immediately upon purchase, because when it comes down to it baby animals are cute; but you’ve got to notice this WAY before your animal hits 250 pounds.

When you get a puppy you should start with a few questions: do you know what your dog is supposed to look like when it gets older? You need to have something to aim for. I’m not buying a wolf pup expecting it to end up turning into an English Bulldog - that’s a perfect analogy. Don’t you dare question it. Does your dog bark? This is a big one. Your dog shouldn’t growl, moan, or roar- at least not without barking. What about neutering? Did your doctor look at your dog and say, “Well I’ll be, this dog has a bear’s dick.”? If your dog has a bear’s dick, your dog is a bear. Does your dog climb trees and eat fruit by the barrel? If it does, your dog is probably a fruit-eating black bear, you dumb fuck.

The craziest thing about this is that this wasn’t the only case! Somebody else in China had bought a dog that ended up being a fox! Now, I know that dogs are treated slightly differently in China than they are in the U.S.,but they’re not treated this differently. People in China have got to start spending more time with dogs. I don’t care if you eat them, pet them, worship them, or let them roam free- there’s no excuse for this. Look at these photos.

These things don’t look alike. They are both brown. They are both big. That is it. How clueless are you? Like kids are disappearing right and left, there are huge claw marks in the walls, and you’re still scratching your head about how much fucking fruit this dog eats and why the little shit won’t bark.

This is like me confusing a chicken and a hawk. Sure the little chicken chick and the little hawk chick might be interchangeable. I might even think that the hawk chick is just a little discolored chiclet. Whatever. As soon as the hawk chiclet grows talons and starts looking at chicken chiclet like lunch- I’m going to know something is amiss. China, you might be the future- but are you? How am I supposed to respect a country that can’t differentiate between puppy and predator? I study predators more than I study puppies. You've got to know your enemy. As a result, I’m more familiar with what bears look like than what puppies look like. I could probably be introduced to a breed of puppy I’d never seen before, but good luck showing me a bear I haven’t googled a thousand fucking times.