Eat Three Donuts In A Minute, Or One Habañero Pepper: One Of These Makes You Normal, The Other Makes You A Weirdo
AURORA, Colo. (CBS4) – Teachers at Black Forest Hills Elementary were the latest group to take Aurora Police’s Ring of Fire Challenge on Monday to support the daughter of one of their officers who is fighting cancer.
Participants are asked to either eat a habañero pepper or try to finish three donuts in a one minute. So far the challenge has primarily involved members of law enforcement or public safety, but the staff at Ellison’ former elementary school also wanted to show their support.
Full story here.
So I’m reading about this thing called the “ring of fire challenge” and in it you either have to eat three donuts in a minute or one habañero pepper. Put aside the fact that this particular ring of fire challenge was being done for a terrific cause, I can’t think of any reason to eat the habañero pepper in this scenario. In fact, I’d go so far as to say you’re a fucking psychopath if you go that route. First of all, donuts are delicious. Who doesn’t like donuts? This is an excuse to eat not one, but ideally three donuts. Again, you’re a loser if you only eat one! That’s the dream!
Also consider the rules of the challenge: either finish three donuts in a minute, or eat one habañero pepper… is that it? Those rules seem a little suspicious. There’s not enough info on how you lose the habañero part of the challenge. The eating’s not the hard part of the pepper! It’s everything that comes next that’s hard! The worst case with trying to eat three donuts in a minute is you don’t finish, or maybe you throw up if you have the stomach of a child. These are all far more favorable outcomes to the worst case scenario when you eat a habañero pepper, which is I think you die. That’s how you lose the pepper challenge, you expire in a sweaty heap.
Seriously, worst case you’ve got a bunch of overworked, overstressed, and underpaid teachers who are suffering from sudden cardiac arrest, and best case scenario is you feel terrible. I’m an idiot who’s eaten my share of hot peppers as part of challenges and also for no reason, and it’s not a pretty sight. You got snot, you’re crying, you have to drink milk (it’s an ugly drink)- it’s just not good. Also, don’t forget, you could be eating donuts!
Choosing the pepper in this challenge is masochism on a stick. It’s the symbolic seppuku of the ring of fire challenge: saved for those who have too much shame to choose donuts and need to atone for their sins. This is a good character detector test: psychos and cyborgs choose pepper, and real people choose donuts. Here's A Blog Are You Happy Now?, helping you separate the weird people from the really weird people since October.
