The Argument(s) Against Killing Other People’s Pets
CYPRESS, Fla. – Deputies with the Jackson County Sheriff’s Office arrested a man after he admitted to shooting at his neighbor’s dogs.
John Michael Glover, 39, of Grand Ridge, was arrested and charged Friday with two counts of convicted felon in possession of firearm, and convicted felon in possession of ammunition.
39 is way, way, WAY too young to be shootin’ dags. I think showing aggression towards neighbors/neighbors pets is something that falls much more comfortably in your fifties. Shooting at dogs in your late thirties is way ahead of schedule, leaves no room to escalate. Fellas, it’s like dating a perfect 10. Once you show yourself incapable of love, or sustained sexual competency- where do you go from there? Just the same; you shoot dogs at 39, what do you do at 51? It’s concerning!
We’re not there yet. As we touched on this last week in the pod, I’ll keep this point quick. We may be in the apocalypse, but we are, firmly I might add, not in the pet killing phase of the apocalypse. Now I know you might think that I’m drawing some arbitrary line, but trust me, I’ve talked to the experts. The “Pet Killing” stage is right after the “Dad’ Sleeping In the Bunker UnIronically” stage and a few weeks before the “Donner Party” stage. So if you start putting cap in Toto’s ass you best get ready to marinate Timmy and Sally as well. We’re just not there yet. In fact, I’d say we’ve got still a few months until we start enter Leftovers S1 territory. They’re still our dogs.
So while I understand, to the concerned psychopath, it was pretty tempting to start recreating the last scene from Old Yeller (spoilers) over and over again- it’s a strict no-go. We can’t just be jumping between different stages of the apocalypse, guys. I know businesses are going under and other folks are mad that they can’t go tubing, but let’s stick to the routine one time alright. Anything less is unbecoming.
It is a TERRIBLE time for dog vengeance.
I don’t want to call out the obvious but we are in dire need of our dogs right now. I’ll speak for myself, I prefer dogs to humans at this point. We’ve got a great barter going, I let her eat the crumbs off my bed and she’ll let me cuddle her for two minute and not piss on the downstairs rug more than thrice a week. It’s been working. But how many people have decided that this is the BEST time to get a dog? How many are suddenly so reliant on those dog walks to stretch the legs? How many dog-instas have just conveniently come into existence since early March? The list goes on, but the point remains- this is a bad time for dog vengeance.
“Well what does dog vengeance look like, papa Keegs?”
It can take many forms, from shitting on your pillow to eating your face, from incessantly barking at 3AM to no longer looking cute for your Canon. You don’t want a vengeful creature living under the same roof with you- well with so many people already living with mom again, you don’t want two vengeful creatures. The hands are full.
TLDR: We need the dogs more than ever, please don’t kill them so that they please don’t kill us.
