Ben's Cereal Bracket - Round 2!
Welcome to Round 2 of Ben’s Cereal Bracket! Today, many of our underdogs have their dreams crushed against the rocks of the 1-4 seeds. There’s still a shocking number of bad cereals in the mix - but at least we don’t have to talk about Oatmeal today.
5 Special K vs. 4 Special K Red Berries
Winner: Special K. Before you spit up at this choice like the giant indigested baby you are, just know that this comparison is not as simple as it seems. Special K Red Berries is NOT just Special K with strawberries. Similar to our last big loser, Raisin Brain Crunch, changing flavors changes the base cereal, and SKRB falls short of its rival in that regard. Special K hits a special, albeit strange, spot. Additionally, it’s not up against much. Special K Red Berries is just a cereal with an average texture and freeze dried strawberries- you need to coat your wheaties in crack to beat that.
Special K, again underpromising and over delivering, takes the win.
6 Cookie Crisp vs 3 Honey Bunches of Oats.
Winner: Cookie Crisp. Honey Bunches of Oats is a good cereal, no question about it. Cookie crisp is a bowl full of cookies. They took chocolate chip cookies and turned it into a cereal. Honey Bunches of Oats does a lot of things right, but unfortunately it’s going against a bowl of chocolate chip cookies. If we were doing a bracket of subtly sweet cereals that mixed flakes and oats then Honey Bunches of Oats would excel. Unfortunately we exist in a bracket where subtly sweet cereals that don’t hold exceptionally well soggy are allowed to compete against chocolate chip cookie cereal. It’s just not fair. Cookie Crisp wins.
10 Golden Grahams vs. 2 Apple Jacks
Winner: Golden Grahams. This is a tough one, as both of these cereals are solid contenders. However I think Apple Jacks have a lower ceiling. There are few things better than the first spoonful of crispy Golden Graham’s, and Apple Jacks are kind of just apple-flavored froot loops- they simply don’t stand up against Golden Grahams’ best shot. No disrespect to the ‘Jacks but I don’t know how far an apple based cereal can go against the powerful base of graham crackers and milk. Tough draw for Apple Jacks, Golden Grahams moves on.
9 Raisin Bran vs. 1 Lucky Charms
Winner: Raisin Bran. Lucky Charms is trash, I’ve said it before and I”ll say it again. The cereal sucks, the marshmallows are too much, and the only people who like this cereal were those who weren’t allowed to have candy in their house. That’s no way to live your life; just like combining bland cereal bits with multicolored marshmallows that hurt your teeth is no way to make a cereal. Not to spend too much time on arguments I made last round, but Raisin Bran’s ingredients perform above their station. As such, Raisin Bran takes the win.
6 Berry Berry Kix vs. 3 Mini Frosted Mini Wheats
Winner: Berry Berry Kix. This comes down to I like berries and I don’t like frosted mini wheats. They’re unbelievably dry and are only good until their frosting disintegrates. They’re gross and heavy when soggy. They just have too short of a window to be good. Mini Frosted Mini Wheats are definitely a step up from normal Frosted Mini Wheats, as no cereal has a valid excuse to be that oversized. But regardless the mini wheats still feel cumbersome and they simply lack the intangibles; it always feels like milk and cereal are never on the same page. Can’t have that if you want to make it into the later rounds of a competitive cereal bracket.
7 Chex vs. 2 Rice Krispies
Winner: Chex. While Ben was a little vague on which brand of Chex we’re judging here (Wheat? Multi Bran? Honey Nut?) this is an easy victory. Rice Krispies is a trash cereal. I’m convinced it was manufactured FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of enabling people to make homemade rice Krispie treats. I know I’m not dishing out hot takes here but it’s the goddamn truth. That’s it. The cereal’s got no flavor. It gets too soggy. That’s it. It’s bad. It’s done. It’s dead. Chex moves on.
