Australian Man Fights Australia's Most Dangerous Snake In His Car: While Driving: Wins: Reminds Me of My Bottomless Cowardice
When a traffic officer pulled over a pickup truck on an Australian highway, he didn't expect to find one of the world's deadliest snakes inside.
It was an eastern brown snake -- highly venomous, and responsible for the majority of snakebite deaths in Australia.
"The more I moved my legs ... it just started to wrap around me. Its head just started striking at the (driver's seat) chair, between my legs," Jimmy said in the news release.
He then used a seat belt and a nearby knife to fight it off -- while trying to stop the car.
So Jimmy killed the snake, hit the accelerator and headed for the nearest hospital. That's when a police officer spotted his car, driving at 123 kilometers per hour (about 76 mph) and pulled him over.
Full story here.
This is why I’m not cut out to live in Australia. And man, I wish I was. Beautiful people. Lovely beaches. White sand. Blue water. Chill attitudes. It’s tough to find an aspect of Australian lifestyle that doesn’t sound pretty sweet. That is, other than the fact that they are surrounded by the most dangerous animals on the planet.
Three years ago, a garter snake died in the corner of my basement bedroom at my dad’s house. Three years later and it’s still there. It’s the size of a piece of spaghetti, but I won’t pick it up. No I’d rather stare at it as a continual reminder of my tiny little balls and impressive mediocrity. Aren’t snakes notorious for biting people after they’re dead? Who’s to say what the statute of limitations on that? I’m content to let it decompose right there in the corner like it’s supposed to.
If I’d rather watch that thing slowly rot rather than touch it, how am I cut out to handle anything that is 1. dangerous and 2. alive? We’ve got a regular joe schmoe from Australia over here, just casually knife fighting a brown snake as it tries slithers out of the dashboard and tries to bite his balls.
If Darwin split us up into those who would survive a snake in the car vs. those who wouldn’t, I’d be heading into head over heels into extinction. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. You guys enjoy your time on planet earth, I’ll be sipping piña coladas with the dodo birds and Flipper’s evil cousin.
Now given, I have very little snake fighting experience, and zero snake fighting experience while driving, but if that’s me I drive my truck straight into a tree. If the snake has made it into my truck and ambushed me while driving, there’s no next step. It’s a mastermind. It’s over. I’m making the French campaign vs. Hitler’s Blitzkrieg look like a long, drawn out campaign. In fact, I’m executing the blitzkrieg of full surrenders. Snake wants to bite a dead body? Be my guest.
