Kraft Wants You To Start Eating Mac & Cheese for Breakfast And I For One Don't Appreciate It.
Kraft wants you to wake up and smell the mac and cheese.
More Americans are eating at home as the pandemic spreads across the United States, and household routines are changing. So Kraft Heinz (KHC) announced Tuesday that it will rebrand its Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner along with its iconic blue box.
It's not getting a full redesign: The company is just adding the word "breakfast" — instead of dinner — to encourage Americans to start their day with neon orange cheesy noodles.
The company hopes the new "breakfast" label could take away some of the shame that's associated with parents serving their kids easy-to-make non-breakfast foods in the morning.
To promote its new campaign, Kraft will give away a limited-edition "Breakfast Box" this week. The boxes will include a mug, "a placemat for kids to color while the mac & cheese is being prepared," and "a magnet with breakfast topping suggestions, like crumbled sausage, bacon or scrambled eggs," according to the press release.
Full story here.
I like Mac & Cheese as much as the next guy who still eats like a six year old.
In fact, I have no problem with mac and cheese, but it’s not a fucking breakfast food. It’s not a fucking breakfast food because it’s a pasta. It may be a pasta meant for those of us who don’t yet know how to make pasta, but it’s a pasta nonetheless. Pasta’s not for breakfast. Pasta’s barely for lunch, motherfucker.
“Well just put bacon and eggs on it!” Well if I’m making bacon and eggs why wouldn’t I just eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, you dumb fucks? Nobody’s eating mac and cheese for the mac. Here’s a thought, just market little packets of cheese to add to your eggs! That’d go a long way, but don’t try and big dick your way into the breakfast game. If you think the American people are struggling to find suitable option you’re out of your mind. Ever heard of pop tarts? Toaster Strudel? Hot pockets? Motherfucking CORN MUFFINS? I love a corn muffin! It’s just cake, for breakfast! We don’t feel shame about our breakfast choices! It’s called intuition! So don’t ride up on your high horse and do me the favor of offering me mac and cheese for breakfast like I’m a starved orphan child who’s been living off ketchup packets and saltines like Tom Hanks in Terminal.
I’m an American. I can throw the whole philosophy of a food pyramid out the window within five minutes of waking up. I can cut a donut in half, put some bacon on it and call it a sandwich. I don’t need your rebrand to know what I can, or can’t eat for breakfast. But, I know I won’t be eating pasta.
