Full dumb article here.

This is the dumbest shit I’ve seen all day.

I fell so hard for this CNN clickbait, and now I’ve dragged you into its claws as well.

Here I am thinking that people are going to be whisked away to Mars, trading in their lyft account for a freakin’ space dune buggy- but no, that’s all a lie. Instead, your name goes on a microchip that goes into space? I’m sorry but if that gets you excited you’re pathetic. I mean if you’re that desperate to get your name on a big screen there are like 25 things you could google RIGHT NOW that would get you on somebody’s watch list.

And you know what, this is why NASA’s not getting any funding. They’re on the way out because they’re done doing all of the cool shit they used to do: like racing the Soviets to conquer the moon, discovering water on mars, putting together a sick playlist to show the aliens. Now we’re suddenly back to fixing satellites, and stampeding to get our little certificate of participation for the next Mars voyage. Come on.

Also if you go to the article above, you’ll see that they named the arrival site “Elysium Planitia” or “Plain of Ideal Happiness”. Goddamnit. Goddamnit, Nasa, you can’t get anything fucking right. You can’t even name the landing site something cool.

That’s it. I’m out. I’m off NASA, I’m dangerously close to being off Mars, and if you signed up for this scam I’m off you.

P.S. Also for all of you idiots who do this, you’re giving any potential alien hijackers your address- so walk me through that decision.

P.P.S. I think people have actually put their names in a lottery to go to Mars/outer space. It’s the type of thing where if you get selected, you have to go, and like, your life is over. You just say goodbye to the kids, to the spouse, to the dog, to hot pizza, and suddenly you’re an astronaut. That’s such a psycho move, I have to respect it.