Woman Fired For Flipping Trump's Motorcade the Bird: And If Giving The Middle Finger While Biking Is a Fireable Offense Then I Don't Want a Job
Our girl, Juli Briskman, has made the news because back in October she was passed by Trump's motorcade leaving a golf course. Briskman was riding her bike, and while the motorcade passed, she lifted her hand in the air and showed them one glorious middle finger. Somebody snapped a couple of photos, her company found out it was her flipping the bird, and next thing she knows, she's fired. Look, regardless of your politics you shouldn’t be fired for any action you commit on a bike. Just shouldn’t be allowed. Biking should be a judgement free zone. It’s the exactly same rule with driving: you’re not allowed to be judged by anything you say or do at anytime. Cut off a student driver with a hearing aid? Sorry, can’t judge me, I’m driving. Unleash a stream of profanity that would make my grandma cry blood? Sorry, doesn’t count, I was driving.
A summer or two ago I was biking to a job where I spent most of the day driving around the city. It was a tough job for a number of reasons, one of which was I fought on both sides of the cyclists vs. drivers war. When I was biking, everybody was my enemy: drivers, food cart vendors, lovers walking in the bike lane, little hasidic kids sprinting across traffic to catch a bus, all public enemy number one. The best weapon while biking is passive aggressiveness. My favorite move, other than flipping some idiot the bird obviously, was just shaking my head. Somebody almost hits you turning? You stop (dramatically), and just shake your head as the car drives by. A pedestrian steps out into the street right in front of you? You slam on your brakes (again, very important to do so dramatically), and shake your head as they walk away with shame. Every once in a while you yell, but you always shake your head after yelling. Regardless, you’re in the most vulnerable position of all time when you’re on a bike- so your best bet is to just shame your enemies into submission. It’s integral to the success of “bike rights!” that if you die for the cause, you make sure your murderers know you died disapproving of them.
Very different story in a car, obviously. You’re the aggressor, and you have all the power. It’s very important to use your horn often, let people know you’re mad and quick to the tap. You also have to have great control of your windows. Let me walk you through two scenarios. First one: you take a left turn and almost hit a cyclist, roll that window on up; you don’t need to hear what they have to say. Also don’t make eye contact with them, because if they have any idea what they’re doing they’ll probably be shaking their head at you. Second scenario: someone is biking like a fucking idiot in front of you (everybody on a citibike), roll that window on down and dole out your punishment- let them know that your blind nephew with two left feet could bike more responsibly, don’t hold back.
As you can see- the war between cyclists and drivers is a savage one, and what happens on the battlefield, stays on the battlefield. So this blog officially supports Juli Briskman, not only because she seems like my type of lady, but also because this is not justice in any sense of the word. You’re not riding a bike if you’re not flipping somebody off, heard it here first.
P.S. Writing has been a nice way for me to reflect on how unbelievable it is that I have not been hit by a car.
