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Hello.

 I went to college to learn how to spell and it's not going great for me.

THERE'S A PETITION TO REPLACE KEVIN SPACEY WITH KEVIN JAMES ON HOUSE OF CARDS AND I SEE YOUR WAGER AND RAISE YOU A MILLION

THERE'S A PETITION TO REPLACE KEVIN SPACEY WITH KEVIN JAMES ON HOUSE OF CARDS AND I SEE YOUR WAGER AND RAISE YOU A MILLION

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(CNN) Imagine Kevin James as Frank Underwood on "House of Cards."

There is an online petition suggesting just that -- believe it or not -- and as of Tuesday, nearly 30,000 people have signed on to endorse the idea.
"Losing a great show is hard, no matter the circumstances," the petition reads. "However with hardship comes the opportunity for a great show to become one of the greatest television shows of all time. I think Kevin James can elevate 'House of Cards' to a globally adored franchise like 'Game of Thrones' and make the entire world focus on one of the most important Netflix original series there is."

This is ridiculous. It is hilarious if it is a joke and it is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen if it is serious. I’ve only watched the first season of House of Cards, but I already love the idea. I would die to see Kevin James' Frank crushing ribs at his favorite BBQ joint, then manipulating some backroom deal, before looking dead into the camera and addressing the audience with a healthy dose of scumbag, political wisdom.

While that would be good, even better would be having Kevin James play Doug Heffernan from King of Queens as Frank. Instead of coming home to Queens and Carrie, he comes home to the White House and Claire. Claire wants power, and all Frank-by-way-of-Doug wants is to enjoy his ribs and cash his IPS check. Man, again, I haven’t watched nearly enough of either of these shows to know the true potential of what I’m spinning- but I know it’s something special.

P.S: How is there any debate about this? Just kill off Frank. Yes, it will be obvious. Yes, it will be made fun of in some way. No, there is no subtle way to do it-  everybody will understand. We all know Spacey needs to go. So, just fucking start season 6 with a plane crash and say that Frank’s body is burned beyond recognition. It’ll be messy and rushed,  but on the bright side, this will open the door wide open for Claire’s remarriage to Doug. This brings in an infinite number of new story lines, and suddenly House of Cards runs for twenty seasons. You’re welcome, Netflix, I’ll take cash or check.

P.P.S. I honestly thought they'd killed Frank off loooong ago. Guess I’ll have to catch up before I write seasons 6-39 of the new House of C(laire and Doug)ards.

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