Goodell And Jones Squaring Up In Battle Of The Scumbags
The ongoing feud between NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is threatening the very union of owners and league offices, according to a report posted Friday by ESPN’s Don Van Natta Jr. and Seth Wickersham. Titled, “Roger Goodell has a Jerry Jones problem and nobody knows how it will end,” Van Natta and Wickersham take us behind the scenes of the issue that allegedly has the NFL on the brink of “all-out civil war” between owners and league executives.
The article opens with a doozy of a story, from the day Goodell called Jones on August 9 to let him know that a decision had been made in the case of Cowboys’ star running back Ezekiel Elliott and allegations that he had been abusive toward a former girlfriend. The league had been investigating for months. Goodell and a panel of advisors decided to give Elliott a six-game suspension, the punishment the NFL had settled on months earlier, after the Ray Rice debacle, for players involved in domestic violence incidents.
Whooooooaaaa baby! We got a good old-fashioned bad guy power struggle on our hands! Squaring up we’ve got Jerry Jones, scumbag owner of the Dallas Cowboys, and Roger Goodell, crooked commissioner of the National Football League. This is a great matchup because whoever loses, we win! In an ideal world these guys would meet up and both just spontaneously combust in a cloud of dust (alternatively you could just sprinkle some holy water on Jerry Jones’ forehead and you’d get the same result).
What’s also great is that I don’t think either of these guys is lying about what happened. I’m sure that Goodell lied through his teeth to Jones last year regarding Ezekiel Elliot’s suspension, because well, that’s what Roger Goodell does. And I’m sure that Jerry Jones is pretty fucking upset about that, because Jerry Jones is the type of guy who’s more upset that he’ll lose football games this year than that Elliot very well may have beat up his girlfriend. Let’s be clear, both of these guys suck! The NFL is a fucking mess right now, and both of these guys have a lot to do with that.
This passage is fucking hilarious,
“The line went quiet. Seconds passed. Goodell’s decision was an unconscionable violation of trust, Jones later told associates, because he believed that the commissioner had assured him this past spring that there would be no suspension. Jones saw in Elliott a genuine opportunity, a player so good that he had made Jones believe that this year he just might win a Super Bowl for the first time since 1996. His anger was palpable. Finally, according to sources with direct knowledge of the call, Jones broke the silence. He aimed his words not only at Goodell’s decision but also at his role as judge, jury and executioner in the case.
“‘I’m gonna come after you with everything I have,’ Jones said. Then he mentioned Deflategate. ‘If you think Bob Kraft came after you hard, Bob Kraft is a p—y compared to what I’m going to do.'”
Can you imagine Goodell telling Jones the news and just hearing silence on the other end of the line until Jones came out with that ridiculous line, “‘If you think Bob Kraft came after you hard, Bob Kraft is a p—y compared to what I’m going to do.'” What a fucking hardo! Jerry Jones is like Emperor Palpatine, except I think he thinks he’s fooled everybody into thinking he’s a cool dude. Hey Jerry, we all know you suck a lot. I also love how he jumps right to Deflategate. Come on, Jerry. We know you were as psyched as every other team in the league when Brady had to sit out four games; and I know you’re not seriously comparing a guy taking the air out of footballs to a domestic violence case. Actually, you’re absolutely comparing them and I wouldn’t expect anything different from you!
Anyway, here’s hoping when these guys meet: that the sheer amount of privilege, corruption, cringe worthiness, and just all around scumbaggery is too much for the earth to handle, and they just get sucked into a black hole.
P.S. I honestly don’t know how you choose a side in this “civil war”. Unfortunately, I’ve got a hunch that owners are going to side with Jones just to seize the opportunity to knock Goodell down a notch. Not that Goodell doesn’t deserve it, just that the owners are mess of their own. I guess one of these will be a fight for another day.
