Trader Joe's Salads Recalled For Having Glass And Plastic In Them And We Are All In Danger
(CNN)Trader Joe's has recalled some of its packaged poultry salads over concerns they may contain pieces of glass or hard plastic.
This one hits close to home.
What post grad in their early twenties hasn't relied on Trader Joe's to constitute a main staple of their diet? I spent an entire year basically living off pre-made salads and frozen meals for good old TJ's. They're the perfect mix of "how does this taste so good for being frozen/prepared", "this has just enough vitamins and greens to consider this frozen/prepared meal healthy", and "this meal is frozen/prepared".
Also this doesn't have any of the fast food "I kind of deserve to find a toe in my meal" guilt. When you go to KFC or the like, you're signing a deal with the devil: this meal is going to be delicious, but you understand that in my next 100 meals at KFC, in one of them you'll bite down on a juicy thigh only to crunch some old worker's glass eye. This is the contract you sign, live by, and if the fast food fates so say, die by. I understand that if I find a testicle in my McNuggets that while I have earned the right to sue for my troubles, I also deserved them in the first place. NO SUCH CONTRACT EXISTS AT TRADER JOE'S. I EAT AT TRADER JOE'S WHEN I WANT TO EAT "HEALTHY" BUT I CANT AFFORD TO BUY 8 DIFFERENT INGREDIENTS TO MAKE CHICKEN AND RICE THAT DOESN'T TASTE LIKE A DEHYDRATED ASSHOLE DROWNED, AS IN MET ITS MISERABLE, PATHETIC, AND LONELY END, IN SOY SAUCE.
So yeah, the fact that all these salads are full of glass and lego pieces is a big deal. Now's the time for us to come together. Now's the time for us to put our differences aside. If you see something, say something. If it smells like shit, it's probably shit. If she's ignored your last three Rick and Morty gifs, then she's probably not into you. If it hurts when you pee, it's time to a doctor. And if you bought a Trader Joe's salad that expires today or tomorrow, return to store for a full refund*
*delete this blog from your search history, bite down on a wine glass, and sue the shit out of them.
