It’s been a while since I wrote you a miserable Bears blog. So here we go. Yesterday, the Chicago Bears saw the Detroit Lions visit a windy Soldier Field. The Bears, sitting at 3-5, looked to beat a division rival at home and show in a consistent effort from offense, defense, and special teams, that they’re a better team than they get credit for. The Lions, at 5-4, looked to close the gap with the Minnesota Vikings, who held a two game lead for first in the NFC North.

Now let me start with this: I respect no organization less than the Detroit Lions. They’re still led by the highest paid, fat faced, frat boy quarterback in the league; and in my mind they’re still coached by that fucking idiot Schwartz (they’re not). Even though they’ve been markedly better than the Bears for a couple years, every time we lose my body houses enough shame that only seppuku feels appropriate.

Long story short, tied with just under two minutes to go in the game, the Bears defense managed to force the Lions kick a 52 yard field goal (which that eternal savant-douchebag Matt Prater did successfully). The Bears, down three, then handed the ball to rookie QB Mitchell Trubisky, who took the hopes of the city with broad shoulders on his broad shoulders to win, lose, or send the game to overtime. Now Trubisky has been a work-in-progress, and I don’t think there’s anybody that’s not encouraged by his strides so far. But goddamn, people wanted to see him win this one. A few drops, a few misses, and a bad-decision-leading-to-a-sack later, Trubisky faced a 4^th and 13 on the Bears side of the field.

With immediate pressure in his face and on his back, Trubisky pump faked, changed direction, and evading a would-be tackler, converted the long down on his feet. The stadium was on its feet and, when Trubisky then hit new best friend Dontrell Inman for a 15-yard gain, the entire city stood up with them.

Connor Barth lined up with 8 seconds to go. A 46 yard attempt in front of him. A difficult kick at Soldier Field, but a manageable one when you play football professionally. Barth set his feet, the snap was good, and he fucking shanked it.

That motherfucker put it into the stands on the other side of the field. Just like that, the city collectively threw themselves off of a roof. The stadium put down their Bud Lights and chugged their cool-aid mixed with cyanide. Every aging Bears fan above 90 realized they’d probably never see their team make the playoffs again. John Fox accepted that he’d probably find another dozen “For Sale” signs on his suburban lawn, and worst of all, as was exposed by one fortunate cameraman, Mitchell Trubisky realized that the night truly is darkest before the dawn. Fuck everything.

P.S. Other than ex-kicker Connor Barth’s last second effort, they actually didn’t look that bad! We’ll get a high draft pick and win the Super Bowl next year.

(Copied and pasted for Lions game next year)