CITRUS HEIGHTS (CBS13) — There are some things only Santa Claus is meant to do. Citrus Heights police say Jesse Berube, 32 of Rocklin, learned that lesson the hard way.

The burglary suspect tried to get into a business through a chimney, but it was a couple of sizes too small.

Trapped in the chimney, Berube was lacking options for a clean getaway. While we caution against trying to commit burglary, especially through a chimney, Berube was smart enough to bring his cellphone and was able to call 911.

Full story here.

Guys it’s 2017, why are we still trying to break into houses by chimney? I just think that the costs FAR outweigh the benefits. Not only is getting stuck ‘game over’, but also who wants to die in a chimney? Of course this guy called 911! His alternative was to die with his elbow wedged between his knee and his asshole and nobody should go out like that! How desperate are you to rob this one house that you basically say, “well, either this will work or I’ll die”? No! No! Don’t rob that house then! For every house that’s only rob-able by chimney, there’s another house with an open window!

I understand that robbing houses takes balls. And I understand that just because I wouldn’t advise robbing a house by chimney, doesn’t mean that should the official word on robbing houses by chimney. I’ve never claimed to be the mouthpiece of house-robbers, and I won’t do that here. However, how many successful robberies by chimney do we hear about? It’d be obvious. “Oh all the doors and windows were locked and there’s soot coming from the chimney and leading EVERYWHERE”. Come on, robbers, you’ve got to admit it’s a long shot. Maybe this worked back in the day where people just built fucking giant fragile chimneys that you could chisel your way out of, but no longer. A little patience and a little situational awareness will go a long way, because this is just a bad look for everybody.