Bunch Of Alpacas Are Getting Rabies: Introducing 7 Original HABAYHN Potential Movie Pitches Based On Absurd News

DOUGLAS COUNTY, Colo. (CBS4) – After one reported death from rabies, the Colorado community around alpaca ranching is growing concerned, especially around Douglas County.

Colorado has seen a boom in alpaca population in the past few years. Devin says the state is the perfect climate for the animals, and many experts say their fiber is far superior to other animals.

The State of Colorado and Tri-County Health Department announced Thursday that an alpaca died from a rabies infection.

Full story here.

I had no idea that alpacas could even get rabies. I feel like normal stuff shouldn’t apply to them. This article fills my head with questions. One: what is an alpaca? I know what they look like, I’m from Vermont, so I’ve had alpacas on my lawn before (not to brag). They’ve got to be what, a mix between a camel or a llama? I think that’s right. Next, what is the purpose of an alpaca? Is it wool? Are they just the Oberlin version of sheep? Do sheep get rabies?

Legal weed and mixed politics make Colorado a pretty cool, whacky state, but a pack of blood thirsty rabid alpacas would be out of control even by its standards. This is how weird science fiction movies happen, by the way. How else do you think Sharknado 1-21 got made? You get one person thinking of an absurd hypothetical and next thing you know that idea is taking the knock-off SciFi channel by storm.

Can you imagine this thing foaming at the mouth, terrorizing a bunch of teenagers? I can, and I'm hard as a rock.

Well here’s my submission into the pot, Blood Rug: a pack of rabid alpacas overthrow their farm overlords and stalk a group of teenagers on a ski weekend. Boom. Call me a producer, baby. That’s not all I got, let’s hit ya with a quick list of six recent “Here’s A Blog Are You Happy Now?” topics that would make terrific films.

Juror #9: Two saboteurs doom an innocent man by flirting with each other during jury duty. The most boring romantic dark-comedy of all time, a cult hit.
Knocked Uooohmygodit’shappening Now: a 15 minute reboot of “Knocked Up” where Katherine Heigl realizes she’s pregnant only 30 minutes before giving birth. She and Seth Rogen have a collective anxiety attack that starts a category 15 earthquake, also stars Dwayne Johnson.
The Good Son: A father punishes his bullying son by making him run to school in the rain while driving behind him live-streaming the whole thing. Dad runs out of gas and the kid forgets where his school is so he runs across the country in what will be this year’s most inspirational survival movie about running, bullying, climate change and backpack chafing.
Red Lips: A group of zombie toddlers terrorize a neighborhood moms’ wine night.
Sweet Dreams: A group of daycare workers rise to drug trade infamy by flooding the market with melatonin laced gummy bears and starting the first melatonin cartel.
mY nAMe iS KeEgAn anD iM a trOlL: A young man who was born without the ability to tell the difference between upper and lowercase letters finds his natural calling as a blogger.