World's First Successful Dick Transplant: We Are In Grave Danger
A U.S. serviceman severely injured several years ago in an IED blast in Afghanistan has received the world's first total penis and scrotum transplant, surgeons at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine announced Monday.
The man, whose identity was not released, is recovering well and expected to regain both urinary and sexual function, Richard Redett, who led the transplant team, said at a Monday telephone news conference.
Full story here.
I first saw this news and, like everybody else, I thought it was awesome. You give one guy a chance to return to a sense of normalcy after a seriously life altering event, and you make medical history while you’re at it. I read that story and I thought, “gee, wonder if I’d ever get a penis transplant?” Well, I tell you what: my cohost, primary source, and personal confidante Nick raised the question, “What are the greater implications of dick transplants?” This specific example aside, let's dive into it.
Transplants fall into the medical field, which in our country, is a privilege based system. Well let me tell ya this, folks: you don’t want dick size based on privilege. We don’t want to give the rich the ability to make their dicks bigger, because that’s bad news for everybody. For the rich, the fact that they can have small dicks makes them humble. It puts them in their place. It makes the gym locker room somewhat uncomfortable for them. That’s what we, as a society, need.
We need more scenarios where the rich are uncomfortable and feel like losers, not less. The rich dude with the tiny wiener is the greatest irony we have! If you suddenly give the rich the ability to make their dicks as fat as their wallets, then what happens next? Do we suddenly start looking at dick size as a measure of social status? Does the government start running experimental programs to take the big dicks from the poor and give them to the rich? Jesus! We’re talking a dick size caste system, one of the most dangerous caste systems.
Dick size is the great equalizer. It’s one of the few last great uncontrollable factors in our world. It doesn’t matter where you were born, how many parents you had in your household, whether you went to public or private school, if your grandfather was a gas station attendant or a gas company executive, you can have a small dick.
The variety in dick size is integral to the foundation of the human spirit. If you’ve got it, you’ve gotta fight through it; you can’t just let the fact that you belong to Average Dick Nation make you an average boy; no, you’ve got to rise above your circumstances. When it comes down to it, you have to keep the dick you’re born with, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You see, that’s what makes us human.
