Boston Dynamic Teaches Robots To Run And Hunt Us Via Google Maps: Is Offically SkyNet

Remember the name Boston Dynamics, because they're going to be responsible for all of our collective demise: because of them, robots can now run and  autonomously navigate- and officially are one super punch short of ending the world. The last time we talked about these guys is when they taught robots to open doors, basically guaranteeing that we’d never be able to hide from a sinister cyborg in a closet ever again. Well now they’ve taught a robot to run and navigate autonomously, which means they can get around on their own. Which means they can run after us and they know where all the one-ways are.

I can’t even claim to be surprised by this. This is is just a bunch of nerds in a room who literally jerk themselves off to the thought of bringing about the apocalypse by toaster. I gave up a while ago on scientists proceeding carefully with their projects. So while I am upset that a bunch of MIT dudes thought it was smart to give these cyborgs a method to pursue, and upload google maps into their brains- I am, as always, disappointed. Now we’ve got robots that can sprint after us via very convenient side streets that we’re not aware of, and open all of the doors in between. Now we’re just waiting for these jimmy neutron motherfuckers to teach these robots to punch (because why wouldn’t a robot need to know how to punch, how could that possibly go wrong, and, why not?) and we’ll be full on into danger territory.

Have any of these guys seen Black Mirror? Remember that robot bee episode? All those little bastards had to do was to crawl in one ear, go through your brain, and boom, you were dead. They didn’t even fucking sting and they basically ended the world, and we’re going ahead and specifically designing these things to kill us. Can’t wait to see what Boston Dynamics decides to do next, I bet you a million dollars it’s to karate chop a tree in half.