I Have No Qualms Sending A Haunted Bird To Its Death: This Blogger's Reaction To An Illinois Bird Stalker

May 6

May 6 I Have No Qualms Sending A Haunted Bird To Its Death: This Blogger's Reaction To An Illinois Bird Stalker

KENOSHA, Wis. (CBS 58) -- An Illinois woman has been charged with stalking after following a family that she gave her pet parrot.

On October 12, 2017 a Kenosha Police Officer responded to a house after a report of trespassing. The homeowner told police that the incident started five to six years ago when she adopted a cockatoo named "Snoopy" from a wildlife refuge she volunteered at. Snoopy had been surrendered to the refuge by 64-year-old Illinois woman Wendy Grabell.

The victim said that multiple times over the past few years Grabell has been seen walking around her property and peering into her windows. In 2016 Grabell was accused of moving the victim's patio furniture and taking plants out of their pots. She's also accused of keying a car in the victim's driveway and leaving a hose on flooding the backyard.

On March 4, 2016 the victim received an email from "Debbie Kraft" that said:

“If you see odd things happening to you, such as tripping and falling or you notice strange happenings going on around your house like Snoopy's cage moving, objects moving in front of your eyes, car oil spills, etc its because its Snoopy related. YOUR HOUSE IS HAUNTEDby Snoopy followers. They removed all cleaning products from your house so you can’t harmSnoopy. THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU until you return Snoopy to Refuge for Saving Wildlife! If you think Snoopy opened up his own cage to destroy your bed and couch, you are wrong! A padlock will not stop them! They will open up his cage EVERY TIME you leave your house, so he can do much more damage until YOU GET IT! And if you or your boyfriend harm him again, THEY WILL HARM YOU! They are losing patience with you. They told me to tell you, if you keep digging your heels, soon, you will not have heels to dig with!"

Full story here.

Okay cool, well that’s casually the scariest note I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s a couple things I don’t understand: one, how has this been going on for six years? How has this taken so long? Did the flooding your yard and hiding in your bushes not convince you that this person is insane? What further evidence did you need? Two, no offense, but is Snoopy worth this shit? Quick answer would be no.

Some of my very good friends had a cockatoo growing up named Pancho. You liked Pancho for the reason you like all animals that are kind of terrible pets: you feel like you have to work for their affection, and it makes the reward all the sweeter. It’s one of those things though, that as soon as you take one step back and look at the situation, you realize that you’ve got an annoying bird that squawks at all hours, shits all over our clothes, and bites you, when instead you could have a dog.

This all just begs the question, who's crazier: the person who hides in your bushes and writes insane stalker notes threatening to go straight poltergeist on you if you harm their bird, or the person who receives said letter and doesn't give up said bird immediately? If I'm getting these notes saying my bird is haunted- Snoopy is gone. Give it back to the refuge from whence it came or even better just open the kitchen window and let that thing out. I'd let Mother Nature run its course with that cursed motherfucker, no way that cockatoo makes it 3 hours in the harsh, wild lands of the Northeast. You ever see the birds out there? I’m talking real birds. Snoopy is at the bottom of the food chain, basically a little neon cocktail shrimp. Forget harming Snoopy with cleaning supplies, bitch, I could just let Snoopy outside, blink, and then not have to waste any more windex on that dumb bird.

I feel like this is like one of those horror plots where the spirits want to possess the kid, and the parents are all like, “No you can’t take our kid, because he’s our kid.” When instead in this situation you should just be like, “Yeah I don’t give a shit about this bird, because it’s a bird, he’s all yours.” ’m not at all for harming animals, but going along with these demands it seem far preferable to getting my heels removed by Snoopy followers. Weird threat, but that makes it scarier. I like my heels very much, thank you.