Science Discovers Extinct Dolphin That Behaved Like Killer Whale

Dolphins may seem cute and friendly, but the largest member of the dolphin family is actually none other than the ultimate hunter of the sea — the killer whale, also known as an orca.

Now researchers have confirmed that an ancient dolphin that lived during the Oligocene Epoch — 33.9 million to 23 million years ago — was the first cetacean (a type of mammal) using echolocation to navigate underwater and fill the role of apex predator, much like the current-day killer whale.

Its 15-foot-long body size, a shorter and stronger snout, tooth wear and vertebral formation indicated that Ankylorhiza was the first Odontocete predator that could eat both small- and large-bodied prey and swim faster than other whales. 

Full story here.

Thank god this thing is dead. I’m usually against rooting for extinction but I’ll make this exception. We couldn’t handle this thing right now. We’ve got enough sharks, jelly fish, sting rays, manta rays, other rays, and other undesirable species as it is. We’ve already got a version of killer whales. They’re called killer whales! What are those little things that are all covered in spikes? They don’t even move and they’re scary as hell! 

Dolphins have always been our allies, or atleast since the 1996 movie Flipper. In fact, I don’t know if I have any evidence of that dolphins can kill sharks other than this movie. Until someone tells me different, dolphins are the anti-shark. Maybe it was just brilliant marketing from a film studio that saw a nation reeling from the Jaws franchise and in need of an oceanic hero, but it worked.

Now imagine if Elijah Woods sees a fin, thinks it’s Flipper the friendly dolphin, then thinks it’s Scar the giant hammerhead, then realizes it’s Rex, Flipper’s cousin who acts like a killer whale. That’s the end of Elijah Wood, and we never go swimming again. Look, this blog started as a celebration of a species’ extinction and now it’s an analysis of Flipper’s effect on a nation with a shark phobia. So I guess in conclusion we can say thank goodness for Flipper and thank goodness killer dolphins were wiped off the face of the earth by asteroids or water allergies or whatever put the final nail in the coffin. Talk about dodging a bullet.

P.S. No I could not find a Flipper video that was not a music video for 30 Seconds To Mars; and honestly, wouldn’t want to.

P.P.S How about Mike Ehrmentraut making an appearance as the villain in Flipper! Here I thought he came out of nowhere in Breaking Bad, but he’s been trying to off Elijah Wood since ’96.